You're going to be just like her.

These past 2 weeks have been the hardest I have ever had to face.  On December 20th, my mother passed away suddenly.  On December 20th our lives changed forever.  My mom was the kind of mom that I was always jealous of.  The kind of mom we all would like to be; she was that mom who was blessed enough to be room-mom, who went on class trips, who volunteered at the school and various church function.  She was the mom that everyone knew.  My mom was the type of mom who planned family dinners nightly & who knew all of my friends.  She loved them and we all loved her.

My mother was also my father's care-giver; Pop was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (MM) in early 2009.  My mom, who took care of my father is now gone.  My father is the strongest man that I know, he will fight this.  He'll fight for all of us.  Pop has always put in extra-hours, working hard is nothing new to him.  I am worried about him, but I know he'll survive because he's the one who taught me how to make a come back.

We had to plan a viewing and a Catholic Funeral Mass over Christmas.  We couldn't work it in before the holiday weekend, so we had these funeral arrangements looming over us for a solid week.  You may as well just have ripped out all of our hearts.

Christmas was hard.  New Years Eve was even harder.  They'll be hard for the rest of my life, I know this.  Nothing can ever prepare you for the hurt of losing a parent suddenly; the thoughts, the things you wished you'd mention, the regrets of the things that you didn't say or do.  There is a broken feeling that is truly unbearable. 

This is where my friends amaze me.  I cannot put into words (although, I'll try) how much they have been there for me. Everyday my friends have checked-in on me.  My friends, some who I've known since grade-school, have been in touch and just have been saying the most touching things and sharing memories that they have of my mom.  I even heard one of my old friends tell my Pop that my mom helped raise all the kids that went to school with us.  I have also had friends who have been through very similar situations contact me to share their experiences to help me understand what to expect and give me the support I needed.  I have never felt so much love in my life.  Every email, every text message, every card, every phone call that I received was like I was warm hug. 

So many people came to pay respect to my mom.  The love that people had for her was over-whelming.  On our way home, when everything was finally over (feeling like a weight had been lifted.  It had been 8 days since her actual death), Bryan says to me, "Mom, you're going to be exactly like her."  Knowing that I am very much like my father I had asked why he thought that.  He explained that I am the type of mom that everyone loves; not just as a mom, but as a friend and as a person...just like her, my mother, Rosemary Burns, (1942-2011).  My father has taught me how to be a hard-working woman while my mother taught me how to be a"mom" (and everything else that goes with THAT title).

Blue Suede Shoes

This weekend at work was pretty busy, after all it is the last weekend to shop before Christmas (& Hanukkah - if you celebrate); however, there is one customer that I cannot get out of my mind.  I don't know his name, but he was tall and handsome.  He had beautiful, intelligent blue eyes; a real gentleman.  You could tell he was a ladies man.  He asked me for help finding blue suede shoes, (not an unusual request, I have been helping a surprising amount of men shop for their significant others in the last couple of weeks) I showed him a pair that were the perfect shade of blue, but they were platforms, but that just wouldn't due.  His wife couldn't wear heels that high anymore.  I asked if they had to be suede; he then explained, as his adult daughter approached, that on his first date with his wife he had ruined her blue suede heels. 

This grandfather stood before me explaining that their romance started with a pair of blue suede shoes and I couldn't help but think of my grandparents.  I miss them all so much, all of my grandparents have passed away, but this gentleman reminded me specifically of my Grandpa Delaney.  He passed away when I was only 13 years old, but what an impression this man made on everyone who crossed his path.  His face was the map of Ireland, his heart was tender and his temper was hot!  He used to take us to the mall and church and on walks at the Watchung Reservation & Briant Park, he even took us to the Summit swim club (he never learned how to swim, but knew that we were like fish).  He smoked a cigar and told us stories in-between bickering with my grand mom.  He loved us all so much.  God called him home at the same age my Pop is now (Wow, that just left a pit in my stomach). 

I wish Bryan could've experienced how I grew up and the great memories that grandparents could bring.  He never did & that makes me a little sad.  My parents are still living, but they are not the greatest at providing great memories, or even coming close to the memories that I had with my grandparents, but in my opinion no one could compare.

I found a beautiful, classy pair of blue suede pumps for this gentleman's bride.  He didn't even look at the price, he didn't care.  He said that they were perfect and asked if they came with a box of tissues.  I have been wondering about this couple and her reaction to her gift.  Little does this white haired gentleman know that it is he who gave me a gift as well; the gift of a warm heart and the realization that the ones that we love, but who have passed, are all around us and it is our jobs to keep their memories alive through stories and tradition.