It's That Time of Year Again.

My mind & body are enduring what can best be described as a hostile take-over.  Don't worry gents, this isn't a post about women things, it's a post about S.A.D., an abbreviation for Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it is real.  Every year, it is VERY REAL.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (or S.A.D.) is a type of depression that in most people who suffer from S.A.D. arrives in the Fall, and in most instances doesn't leave until the Spring.  S.A.D hit me like a ton of bricks on Sunday.  I have been feeling great lately.  People ask me how I was doing and it is a wonderful feeling to say "Good!" & mean it.  This year I didn't even see this wretched creature coming, but I know these feeling all to well to deny what they are.

I woke up on Sunday morning and immediately wanted to go back to sleep, but my neighbors are way too loud and were jamming out to some type of Grupera.  I am almost thankful for this because I probably would've slept all day otherwise; however, I didn't actually get out of bed until 1 p.m. ( I am seriously mortified writing this tid-bit, btw). It was now time to join society and be amongst the living.  So, I tried to be active, but I couldn't.  I wanted to bring out my Christmas decorations, but I couldn't.  I just couldn't.  I couldn't get myself to turn off Game of Thrones (which I have seen a few times...who wants to see that smoky demon thing coming out of the red chicks vag again anyway?). I couldn't get it together; that is until I heard Hoobastank's "The Reason" coming through the floorboards and then Adele.  Are you kidding me?  Why not just put a pillow over my face with that music selection?

I quickly got in my car and drove.

At this point I know exactly what I have to do to keep from slipping too far into a place that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, part of the reason I got my 2nd job is to keep my mind busy throughout these dreadful months.  As an anxious person who suffers from depression, the mind is a terrible place to be stuck.  Irrationality taking over can often ruin relationships, start fights with the most beloved people in ones life and add to existing anxiety.  Keeping busy is key.  PUSH YOURSELF!

Meditation is another way to try to get out of ones head.  Of course, meditation (dhyana) in it's most organic meaning is fabulous for the mind, body & spirit if you can do that.  Many can't.  Meditation takes practice, don't give up. I like to run and consider it a form of meditation.  Running connects me with my breath and takes me out of my head.  For some it may be a group exercise class, yoga or even free weights, but whatever it is find it and PUSH YOURSELF!


Surround yourself with people, not just any people, but people who make you feel good.  People who you know will cheer you up.  Socializing is so important, although very hard to do when you're feeling your most wretched & vulnerable, but so key.  If your honest with the people closest to you about what's going on they tend to understand and are much more patient when you have those little episodes of irrationality, mood swings, or woe-is-me moments.  I've learned that if these people who claim to care about you are anything other than supportive then they weren't a good friends anyway.  Judgement is not something you need when you are feeling the lowest of the low.

Four months out of every year is a struggle, but every year I battle and survive.  I SURVIVE!

Underdogs or Heroes?

I originally wrote this on May 1st, the next day I was told some disheartening news about Kevin.  The night after the event of this post took place Kevin was robbed by a group of area kids.  The end result was not good.  There seemed to be a bit of a scuffle, Kevin is 5'1"-5'2" and he was by himself; he ended up pulling out a knife and well, let's put it this way, no one is dead, but Kevin is in county jail where he will remain until bare minimum his arraignment at the end of the month.  

I believe in every word that wrote about Kev, I know that he has the potential to be a great human being.  

"I am a big fan of the misunderstood, the vilified, 

the underdog, the breaking of myths." - Dominic Monaghan

Over the weekend one of my son's friends contacted me.  He asked me if I had time to help him with a resume.  My first thought was that it has taken me a long time to find a job, are you sure that you want my help?!?  Of course I was willing to lend a hand.

A little background about this particular friend, Kevin, he was never a huge hit with the other parental units among Bryan's crowd.  He is quiet when he doesn't know you, which may make him come across as shady and untrustworthy.  He is always wearing headphones tuning out society and loathes authority.  He is generally bearded and wears gauges in his ears.  He seemed to mix with the wrong people and trouble repeatedly found him.

I try not to judge people, especially teenagers and young people, mainly because they are in this stage for such a short time, trying to find where they fit in.  Some make really bad decisions, but Kevin was always respectful of me and my home and I have a soft spot for the underdog.  After all, someone has to help these boys become the men they are meant to be.

One day, this young man decided he didn't like having to alter his brain every day to feel something or nothing, (I suppose is a better way to put it). Kevin was taking a huge step; he wanted to change, wanted a chance, so he took it.  He is just about to finish his first semester in college, so when I heard he needed help with a resume I was so excited.

He came over on Monday night, as planned, with a ginormous back pack on his back filled with school books and a laptop computer; while I booted up my laptop he gathered the resume information.  As I looked over the information I asked Kevin, who Ralph was, (it was all Ralph’s information in front of me).  "A guy I met on the corner.” he said.  Well, my neck spun around so fast, I am surprised I didn't have whiplash.  WHAT?  Seriously, was this a joke?  I went from proud to heartbroken within a matter of seconds.

It turns out I did not need to be heartbroken, but heart-filled.  Ralph is not a dealer (& I am ashamed now to have even thought that), but a young homeless man who was distributing a newspaper written and distributed by homeless people.  Kevin had been donating to help out Ralph when they started to delve a little deeper in conversation.  Ralph was looking for a job and Kevin offered to help.

Ralph's information was extensive; this was an educated young man.  His resume proved that he was educated and could hold a job.  He was descriptive and had a plethora of skill sets.  Why was this young man handing out papers?  I'll never know, but if I can be a small part in helping Ralph get back on his feet the way so many have helped me, please let me.

I am so proud of my son's friend.  Kevin doesn't get applauded for much or ask for it, lately he has been flying under the radar, doing school work and generally trying to lay-low; however, I could not let this go unnoticed.  I am proud and thankful that he came to me to help and I am also honored to say that I think of Kevin as another son.  I hope and pray that Bryan and all of his friends create an amazing path for each of their lives.  It would be outstanding if they all chose to help others while their doing it.