Yeah, I am crazy for posting less-then-positive things in my blog, so what?!? Not today...
As I scroll through today's Facebook posts I am reminded how truly blessed I am to have very happy friend. I agree, most people only post happy things on social media. Today, I am thankful that I have so many people who know that they are blessed and share that with the world.
My son is grown, so I very much miss the Easter egg dying and family traditions that hold true when children fill a household. I, on the other-hand, and completely reveling in my friends happiness.
Of course, they all go through their struggles. Some huge, some small, all making them stronger people as they handle each individual struggle with grace and their heads held high and still basking in the happiness that is their family and friends.
I swear my friends have the most precious kids with the most angelic faces. They publicly cherish EVERY moment spent with them by posting pictures and stories. How could anyone reading and browsing not appreciate the love that they are displaying?
Please heed my advise; soak in EVERY second. Keep posting and enjoying the good and bad. The ups and downs. They are lessons being learned by you & your children alike.
My loved ones are happy and even I am truly blessed to be surrounded by the contagious happiness that they are exuding. Some of my closest friends are dating the loves of their lives, some buying new cars, others are being blessed with new babies or engagements, other are showering in the contentment that they already share with their families...either way, like I said I believe 2013 is going to be glorious year. I can see this through them, my friends and family who mean so very much to me. Keep proving me right, I love every second of this!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
I Lost Her a Long Time Ago.
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” - Norman Cousins
I am little anxious tonight.
This past week my aunt passed. She was 61.
My aunt was 15 years younger then my uncle (my mom's brother). I remember being in their wedding when I was 4 years; they got married in Illinois and I was their flower girl. I thought she was super awesome, after all she had an original Led Zeppelin II album (still my favorite album EVER!). When we visited, I loved talking to her. I'd ask her a million questions and wouldn't leave her side, she was easy going and obviously one of my favorite relatives (not that I ever had that many to choose from).
She wasn't able to have children, so she and my uncle adopted my cousin when she was about 6 years old. My cousin completed their family, they/we were so happy to have her in their lives.
It all changed the day that we shared the news with them that I was pregnant with Bryan. Her reaction was selfish; that quickly I was not someone they wanted to have in their lives anymore. She said I was a bad influence on their now teenage daughter, but what it boiled down to was jealousy. I had no control over the situation; I have forgiven her a long time ago. She continued to choose to no long be a part of my life. My family, of course, stood right beside me, but my mom lost her brother that day. No one has had much contact except for when my grandmother passed for a split second, then things went back to silence.
"Forgiveness is the final form of love." ~Reinhold Niebuhr
Tomorrow we are burying my aunt. I will make the trip to bid my farewell. I will do this out of respect for my cousin who has to say goodbye to her mother, which I know is one of the hardest things anyone has to go through. I will be there for her just as she was for me.
I was blessed to have had the times I did when I was younger with my aunt, but I am MORE blessed that I now have a relationship with my cousin that I missed out on for so many years.
I am little anxious tonight.
This past week my aunt passed. She was 61.
My aunt was 15 years younger then my uncle (my mom's brother). I remember being in their wedding when I was 4 years; they got married in Illinois and I was their flower girl. I thought she was super awesome, after all she had an original Led Zeppelin II album (still my favorite album EVER!). When we visited, I loved talking to her. I'd ask her a million questions and wouldn't leave her side, she was easy going and obviously one of my favorite relatives (not that I ever had that many to choose from).
She wasn't able to have children, so she and my uncle adopted my cousin when she was about 6 years old. My cousin completed their family, they/we were so happy to have her in their lives.
It all changed the day that we shared the news with them that I was pregnant with Bryan. Her reaction was selfish; that quickly I was not someone they wanted to have in their lives anymore. She said I was a bad influence on their now teenage daughter, but what it boiled down to was jealousy. I had no control over the situation; I have forgiven her a long time ago. She continued to choose to no long be a part of my life. My family, of course, stood right beside me, but my mom lost her brother that day. No one has had much contact except for when my grandmother passed for a split second, then things went back to silence.
"Forgiveness is the final form of love." ~Reinhold Niebuhr
Tomorrow we are burying my aunt. I will make the trip to bid my farewell. I will do this out of respect for my cousin who has to say goodbye to her mother, which I know is one of the hardest things anyone has to go through. I will be there for her just as she was for me.
I was blessed to have had the times I did when I was younger with my aunt, but I am MORE blessed that I now have a relationship with my cousin that I missed out on for so many years.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Certainly...A Rocky Start
I cannot believe that it is the middle of March and that this is my first post of the new year, but I am excited to get back in the saddle.
How did my year start off? Why the rocky start? Well, how do I put this? I hate negativity. Recently, a friend said to me that "only crazy people put negative personal stuff on the internet", I am about to show you how crazy I can be, I am writing about life and let's face it, it's not all peaches and cream. Please be prepared for an honest and real post.
I found out that being a mom of a teenage boy (or teenagers in general, I suspect) is A LOT. A LOT of rejection, A LOT of anxiety, A LOT of fear, A LOT of frustration & the list goes on and on. All of a sudden EVERYTHING changes.
As most of you know, Bryan started his college career this past September, while he was there he proved Bloomsburg's reputation of being a party school to be completely accurate and during his stay had a couple of bumps with the law; because of this, he lost financial aid for the following semester and he had to make the decision to withdraw and end his time at Bloomsburg University.
I was besides myself. I now loved my privacy, enjoyed my freedom and here comes my only son, my pride & joy, putting an end to everything that I had learned to relish. However, this was not my only concern. I wasn't receiving child support anymore, Bryan had turned 18 and payments ended a month before his birthday in September. I couldn't afford for Bryan to live with me without a job and a way to contribute.
I had made a list of rules that Bryan would have to abide by if he was going to live with me. I would have loved if he would've gone to community college, but he decided to put college on pause. I was heart-broken. I also required Bryan to get a job, not a surprise, obviously he wasn't a student, this had to be a no-brainer. I gave him a month to find a job or he'd have to move out.
The hardest thing I had to do was ask him to leave. He had gotten in more trouble and as much as I love him, I couldn't support this or the way he was choosing to live. I miss him, its been 2 months, but I tell him all time that I love him. When he drops by to visit it lifts my heart to levels I didn't know existed because he is visiting by choice, not because he lives here.
That was a rocky start to 2013...but everything was out of my control, so I "gave it to God" and I refused to let what was going on with my son get me down. I still believe 2013 is new, with lots of fun, blessed & probably more trying times ahead. (but we'll give them to God too.)
I have started planning The Miles for Myeloma 5k walk/run , you remember my team, The Bee's Knees? It's that time of year again and fundraising is my middle name. My goal of $4000 is staying the same even though I don't have Bryan's funding raising graduation project to bring in the big bucks, so I applied for a grant through my 2nd job and found out last week that we, The Bee's Knees have been awarded $2500. I feel continuously blessed working with the Philadelphia Multiple Myeloma Networking Group and The Miles for Myeloma 5k. We are helping so many patients and families find hope.
In my very last post of 2012, I wrote about my unwanted guest, the mouse in my house. This past weekend, I finally was able to say good riddance to him. Here's hoping his friends & family are sealed off and their long stay is over.
So, as you can see, things are already starting to look up and become brighter.
There but for the grace of God, I go.
How did my year start off? Why the rocky start? Well, how do I put this? I hate negativity. Recently, a friend said to me that "only crazy people put negative personal stuff on the internet", I am about to show you how crazy I can be, I am writing about life and let's face it, it's not all peaches and cream. Please be prepared for an honest and real post.
I found out that being a mom of a teenage boy (or teenagers in general, I suspect) is A LOT. A LOT of rejection, A LOT of anxiety, A LOT of fear, A LOT of frustration & the list goes on and on. All of a sudden EVERYTHING changes.
As most of you know, Bryan started his college career this past September, while he was there he proved Bloomsburg's reputation of being a party school to be completely accurate and during his stay had a couple of bumps with the law; because of this, he lost financial aid for the following semester and he had to make the decision to withdraw and end his time at Bloomsburg University.
I was besides myself. I now loved my privacy, enjoyed my freedom and here comes my only son, my pride & joy, putting an end to everything that I had learned to relish. However, this was not my only concern. I wasn't receiving child support anymore, Bryan had turned 18 and payments ended a month before his birthday in September. I couldn't afford for Bryan to live with me without a job and a way to contribute.
I had made a list of rules that Bryan would have to abide by if he was going to live with me. I would have loved if he would've gone to community college, but he decided to put college on pause. I was heart-broken. I also required Bryan to get a job, not a surprise, obviously he wasn't a student, this had to be a no-brainer. I gave him a month to find a job or he'd have to move out.
The hardest thing I had to do was ask him to leave. He had gotten in more trouble and as much as I love him, I couldn't support this or the way he was choosing to live. I miss him, its been 2 months, but I tell him all time that I love him. When he drops by to visit it lifts my heart to levels I didn't know existed because he is visiting by choice, not because he lives here.
That was a rocky start to 2013...but everything was out of my control, so I "gave it to God" and I refused to let what was going on with my son get me down. I still believe 2013 is new, with lots of fun, blessed & probably more trying times ahead. (but we'll give them to God too.)
I have started planning The Miles for Myeloma 5k walk/run , you remember my team, The Bee's Knees? It's that time of year again and fundraising is my middle name. My goal of $4000 is staying the same even though I don't have Bryan's funding raising graduation project to bring in the big bucks, so I applied for a grant through my 2nd job and found out last week that we, The Bee's Knees have been awarded $2500. I feel continuously blessed working with the Philadelphia Multiple Myeloma Networking Group and The Miles for Myeloma 5k. We are helping so many patients and families find hope.
In my very last post of 2012, I wrote about my unwanted guest, the mouse in my house. This past weekend, I finally was able to say good riddance to him. Here's hoping his friends & family are sealed off and their long stay is over.
So, as you can see, things are already starting to look up and become brighter.
There but for the grace of God, I go.
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