Blue Suede Shoes

This weekend at work was pretty busy, after all it is the last weekend to shop before Christmas (& Hanukkah - if you celebrate); however, there is one customer that I cannot get out of my mind.  I don't know his name, but he was tall and handsome.  He had beautiful, intelligent blue eyes; a real gentleman.  You could tell he was a ladies man.  He asked me for help finding blue suede shoes, (not an unusual request, I have been helping a surprising amount of men shop for their significant others in the last couple of weeks) I showed him a pair that were the perfect shade of blue, but they were platforms, but that just wouldn't due.  His wife couldn't wear heels that high anymore.  I asked if they had to be suede; he then explained, as his adult daughter approached, that on his first date with his wife he had ruined her blue suede heels. 

This grandfather stood before me explaining that their romance started with a pair of blue suede shoes and I couldn't help but think of my grandparents.  I miss them all so much, all of my grandparents have passed away, but this gentleman reminded me specifically of my Grandpa Delaney.  He passed away when I was only 13 years old, but what an impression this man made on everyone who crossed his path.  His face was the map of Ireland, his heart was tender and his temper was hot!  He used to take us to the mall and church and on walks at the Watchung Reservation & Briant Park, he even took us to the Summit swim club (he never learned how to swim, but knew that we were like fish).  He smoked a cigar and told us stories in-between bickering with my grand mom.  He loved us all so much.  God called him home at the same age my Pop is now (Wow, that just left a pit in my stomach). 

I wish Bryan could've experienced how I grew up and the great memories that grandparents could bring.  He never did & that makes me a little sad.  My parents are still living, but they are not the greatest at providing great memories, or even coming close to the memories that I had with my grandparents, but in my opinion no one could compare.

I found a beautiful, classy pair of blue suede pumps for this gentleman's bride.  He didn't even look at the price, he didn't care.  He said that they were perfect and asked if they came with a box of tissues.  I have been wondering about this couple and her reaction to her gift.  Little does this white haired gentleman know that it is he who gave me a gift as well; the gift of a warm heart and the realization that the ones that we love, but who have passed, are all around us and it is our jobs to keep their memories alive through stories and tradition.

It's the Holday Season, with the Whoop-de-do...

Today I was in a bit of a nasty mood & needed to snap out of it.  Christmas is right around the corner and my spirits need to be lifted.  I refuse to be a cranky pants during what I consider the best holiday of the year!

This evening I had off from my 2nd job, so I took advantage of my time off, not by running (which is what I intended on doing - it was 68 degrees today!!), but by decorating for Christmas.  My apartment is small, but my tree is pretty ornate; I have been described as having "tree savvy".  I, for one, do not take that description lightly and must live up to it every year!  I have photographed my tree a million times but it never looks as fabulous as it does in person.  My tree is on a rotating tree stand for Pete's sake and that is only the beginning.

While I started my tree decorating, (it cannot be completed in just one day) I listened to classic Christmas tunes and sang my heart out.  I needed this dose of holiday spirit, boy, did I need it!!  'The Attic' (my apartment) is starting to look pretty festive and I am well on my way to wrapping my arms around this season and giving it a great big welcome back hug.

I have so many warm memories of this time of year; my Pop building the perfect fire in the fireplace,  "Sarah, come in here and look at this fire.", I can almost hear the wood crackling.  My great Aunt Mae would spend a week with us every year, she only lived in Northern New Jersey, so we saw her often, that didn't matter, my sister and I would count the days until she arrived.  She was a 4'10" Irish fire-ball, party-girl, Manhattan-drinking storyteller; she was Christmas! 

Let's not forget the 8mm camera with the bright, blinding light that Pop used to video tape us with.  The torture we felt as we woke up the house and hearing "Just five more minutes!!" from my mom & dad.  How could they do that to us?!?  Not realizing then that they had probably just gone to bed.

As crazy as the holidays get, as cranky as I am with my plate over-flowing per usual (spreading myself too thin is a big problem for me these days), I need to remind myself of the good days and that they are happening right now.  We are creating memories everyday for everyone in our lives.

I tend to kill myself making people happy; I have to remember that happiness starts within and is contagious, from hear on in I will be singing Christmas carols and being merry!!

Oh Andy Williams, how I love you this time of year!

Happy Holidays?!?

Holidays are supposed to be filled with joy, song & warmth of spirit; goodwill of men.  Youngsters have a pure soul, it is so easy for  the young to innately become the spirit of the holidays.

Thanksgiving has passed.  It is so easy for me to be thankful everyday.  In fact, I have written  throughout this year how thankful I am for friends and the things that I have been blessed with.  I work hard and have an undying loyalty to the people who love and respect me.  Yet, as the holidays grow closer, I have a knot of anxiety.

When people ask how my Thanksgiving was, it is getting harder and harder to hide that my holidays are not fun at all.  As soon as Thanksgiving was over, one of my first thoughts was, 'Ugh.  I have to see them again in 4 weeks".  Yes, I am speaking of my family.  Somewhere, somehow, we have fallen apart and I seem to be the only one who is willing to recognize and vocalize it.  I am as close to my Pop as I have always been.  He is  my heart.  We are the same person; just recently I told him how I felt, how they were making me feel, how they have made me felt for the last decade or so.  He says they love me; I say actions speak louder then words.

They don't abuse me, at least not physically, so I do know that many people have it a lot worse.  My family ignores me.  In fact, I saw one of them in the store a couple of weeks ago; as I stood there waving and saying "Hi", they continued to walk right by me in silence.  One foot away, looked at me directly and I received nothing but a blank look.  Now, I am supposed to forget that happened and dine with these people & make merry through the holidays.  I have a forgiving heart, but I don't forget.  I especially don't forget that because I expected a salutation in return to mine, I was reminded that "the world doesn't revolve around me".  Yes!  Somehow it got twisted into being my fault.

Christmas is less then 4 weeks away, I used to love Christmas.  I still do, because making others happy fills my heart, but it is quite different now that Bryan is older.  I am trying to look for the magic of the holiday, I don't want to lose it.  I have so many fabulous memories of Christmas, that I can't stand the thought of them bringing me down this year.

Life is a blessing and truthfully, I don't know how many Christmases my Pop will be here to hold my hand and tell me that he loves me and is proud of me.  Everyday that I have him here make things a little better.  He and Bryan are the reason that I will make nice this December 25th.  I will pray, as I do every year, that next year will be different. 

Until then, I will stay true to myself and know in my heart that I am not whatever it is they think of me.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me!

Some people need to be given chances, may be even more then one or two.  Sometimes you need to give respect to be respected.

I am learning this through my son and his friends. 

My son is 17 years  old, most of his friends are almost a year older then him; they are turning into adults (legally anyway).  There may be a couple of friends who have a hard time making what one would consider responsible decisions; or even at the bare minimum an alright choice.  Didn't we all struggle with this in high school and as young adults?  So many things were way more important then what really mattered.

It is SO HARD watching these kids, most of whom I consider family, make reckless decisions.  It is SO HARD to keep my mouth shut (why start now, right?), so I don't.  When I see my kids hurting, I hurt.  The bottom line is someone needs to tell them that, so I did.  They listen.  It's a joke to think that anything I said will change anyone or any circumstance over night; it's not always about words, it's about action and carrying out those words.

I love and respect these people like they are just that, people.  These kids might be on the verge of throwing in the proverbial towel at times, but I have let them know that they always have a place to come to.  I let them know that I will help them as much as I can, but don't call me from jail, I can't afford to bail anyone out!

This evening, one of the crew came up and he said: "This house is so chill...I can just sit, relax and watch jeopardy..."  To me that was a pretty big compliment.

All of these young adults are awesome human beings; all have amazing qualities and tons of talent.  I just wish more adults saw that when they look their way.  These people are just trying to get through high school; they will become something and enjoy their adulthood.  It is our jobs as adults to help that happen.

On the fence, over the fence...who put this fence here?

I came very close to ending my blog; in fact I am still on the fence about opening my soul to every person I know and then some (I get nervous butterflies every time I press 'Publish').  The last blog that I wrote prompted someone to write something that I considered derogatory and disgusting as a comment.  I was so taken back by this.  I am well aware that a lot of people have access to what I write, but this person is someone who knows me (acknowledging my second employer by name, something that I didn't divulge in the post).  My heart broke.  This blog is so far from my comfort zone, that I kept it private for months before I shared it with the world.  I thought that the people that I surround myself with were true friends, the people that I write about, the people that I adore.  Clearly, this is unrequited adoration.

I have received messages from people who actually like what I write.  Maybe they can relate, maybe it makes people laugh, maybe they're bored; either way they are reading what I write and liking it.  I like writing; I write to vent, to clear my head, to keep myself honest.

I don't write a controversial blog, so I don't know why someone would purposely write something hurtful, but I don't think that I am ready to give it up.  Perhaps I need a thicker skin or to be more selective on who I choose to be my friends.

I am not going to regress on my progress and cower from one hater.  It's not who I am.  I have been through some pretty tough things in my fairly short life.  I'll be damn if I let a mean commenter get the better of me!  Just sayin'

You can't silence me that easily!

Nights & weekends

Now that I have a second job in retail, it reminds me of how people are so very different from each other.  I worked in retail for close to 10 years before I put in my resume for the office job that I have now.  Believe me, it was the best move that I have ever made, but at the time the flexible hours of retail suited my single-mother lifestyle.  I have always dealt with customer service in one way, shape or form; the position that I have at my full-time job now is customer service, my customers are now mortgage companies & borrowers instead of retail shoppers, but in the title business it is all about the best service (after all, title premiums are set by law).  The retail world is back in my life and cracks me up (& not always in a good way) a little everyday.

I love people, they make my laugh.  The way we go about things as humans is very interesting to me.  The way we approach situations and deal with others attracts me.  Maybe this is why I choose Psychology as my major in college.  People love to be told how awesome they are and I am just the girl to tell you.

I often call myself a professional flirt; because I work with the public in both jobs and I go by the theory that you attract more flies with honey then vinegar.  It is easy to get what you want with a bat-of-the-eye-lashes or a sincere (or close enough to sincere as possible) compliment.  I will flirt with men, women, children, sales people (if it means I will save a couple of dollars) & most recently my new auto insurance agent who saved me hundreds-of-dollars a month when I added Bryan to my policy, not including the customers that I help on a daily basis.  (This makes me a Psych case all of my own, I'm sure.)

This weekend I noticed that some people get so pissed-off at the stupidest things.  I thought to myself while experiencing a couple of irate customers that if this is the stuff that get under these people's skins then they are lucky.  One customer, was so angry that the girls couldn't get her change of $100 dollars fast enough (she was only buying socks).  She was blessed enough to be buying socks with a hundred dollar bill.  May be she had more going on in her life.  May be she needed those socks for a sick father or mother, may be the cashiers was the icing-on-the-cake for an already very bad day.  Another customer called a one of the young men who works on our team "gay", with a negative connotation, without knowing him at all.  I almost fell over.  Really?  Could you be anymore more ignorant in this day and age?

These instances are just the couple of examples of this weekend & happens to be the minority of our customers, thank goodness, but putting myself back into population in the role of the retail sales associate is going to be more interesting then I can ever remember.  I can tell I will have to bite my tongue and just hope that all these people have bigger things going on at home  and that they are really not that mean; and may be I will be able to brighten someone's day by telling them how awesome they are.

I know my co-workers appreciate that I am their cheerleaders, just like I appreciate when they are mine; we all cheer each other on and encourage a good day.   Sometimes retail isn't SO terrible.

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path. ~Paulo Coelho

Voilà, lemonade is served.

There are so many reason's why I write this blog; the biggest reason would probably be my sanity.  Getting all the thoughts and feeling in my head out in a public forum?  Yea, it is totally not something that I am always comfortable with.  One might say it is a little outside my box.  I do it because it keeps me honest with myself and brings me back to my basic beliefs and values which I think most people struggle with on a daily basis.  I am here to admit that I struggle and I am on a journey to be the person that I want to be.


Lately, a friendship was ended because this person claimed that they needed more positivity in their life.  More positivity?  Well, good luck with that because my cup is 99.9% full. (Yes, I have my days, but seriously I am a ray of sunshine!)  Life has given me lemons-a-plenty, and voilà, lemonade is served.

I get stressed.  Who doesn't?  Recently, I have been super-stressed and told the world.  Did me voicing my craziness to the world help me?  Maybe, maybe not, but hopefully it made someone feel like they're not alone in feeling like a hot mess on what seems to be any given day.

I am learning that life doesn't get ANY easier when kids grow up.  I have spent many hours waiting for the next step.  The easier days, the days when I wouldn't have to pay for daycare anymore because he was old enough for before-and-after school care (& it was so much cheaper - I couldn't wait to hand over that last check to day care.)  Then, I was counting the days until Bryan could come home on his own. (He was a latch-key kid; terrible mommy, I know.) I was nervous when he reached that age, but he was always so responsible.  He got his first cell phone and since then he has 'checked in' with me everyday.  He used to call the office, tell me about his day & let me know what homework he had, now I get a text message that merely says "checking in".  I guess it is being human to want the next thing, but the next thing is starting to freak me out!!!  
Bryan is looking for a car and applying to colleges.  My child will soon be taking the next step.  STRESS; where there is stress there are short fuses and bickering; leading to more stress.  There is no easy days when you're a parent, but I can sit in the recliner and look at my son and say, "Wow, I did that."  SURREAL & SCARY!!  Until someone comes up to you and says what a good kid he is, then scary turns into PRIDE.

My whole life I have been playing dodge ball with lemons, I have learned to juggle and squeeze these bitter little bastards, and I know that I am no where near done.  I do know for sure that the people that I have surrounded myself with and the love and support of my friends, Bryan & I can do anything.  We are one tribe and we carry each other to and through the next steps, good or bad.

Hello wall...how you doin'?

This is going to be a much harder year then I thought.  Right now my head is spinning.

Today, I had an appointment with my son's school guidance counselor.  It was a good meeting, putting a lot of my anxiety to rest; that is until I just just got done speaking to...er, I mean arguing with, Bryan.  An argument which at the end had me in tears.  Parents, as awesome as your kids turn out, they will ALL still be teenagers at some point and well, as prepared as you think you are, nothing can prepare you for how mean they can be.

We are only in the 5th week of school, what could possibly be the issue?  College.  I feel like I am talking to a wall, kicking a dead horse perhaps.  Anyway you look at it, I am getting no where fast.  You would think that he'd be amped to get out and on his own.  I am willing to help him do whatever it takes for him to get into the schools he wants to apply to.  He is dragging his feet.  The fights are wearing me down.

Tonight, I broke.  I called my ex-husband in tears, woke him up, got him worried.  I had to let him know where I was in a matter of speaking.  I had to tell him so we didn't get played against each other; he is my partner in raising this person who insists on being my nemesis this week.  I CANNOT do this by myself, I never pretended any differently.  My sanity is on the brink of doom; it's time to bring in the big dog...his father.

Dan has a completely different relationship with Bryan then I do; he's a father and a pal.  They play video games, wrestle are complete @sses to each other, but there is respect.  There has always been respect.  I never wanted it any other way.  Bryan respects me as well, just in a different way which is fine in most circumstances, but when I have to pull out the dad card, believe me I do.

Dan and I are almost always on the same page when it comes to our son; if we aren't at first we discuss until we get there.  There is none of this "well, Dad said..." business; we have agreed to always be or at least try our best to be a united front.  Yes, we are divorced, but have the same goal in raising our son to be a successful young man, who can go into the world and make something of himself.  We want him to have better then we had (& be the least effed up as possible).

Right now, I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know it is there, but it is only October.  My heart breaks at the thought of him leaving me to venture off to college in August, but right now I don't even want to see his precious face.  URGH!! 

busy! please try again later. thanks.

Definition of Busy: adjective,
1. occupied by some activity; at work; not idle
2. full of activity, characterized by much action or motion

The last couple of weeks have been filled with busyness, emotion & a severe lack of time.  My head has been everywhere and no where.  I should be used to this feeling because this has been the typical month of September since Bryan started to walk.  It seems that no matter how much I prepare for it, the month of September NEVER gets to be any easier.

When Bryan was smaller it was filled with birthday party planning and soccer.  Bryan's love for soccer grew to a passion and fall became the time of year for multiple practices a week & all weekend, every weekend games.  Bryan's dad, being a life long soccer player himself, coached every one of Bryan's teams; both were like fish in water.  Enter, the rest of the September fun.

As Bryan got older there came more 'things' to add to our already busy weekly schedule.  Back to School nights, class mom duties, homework, dinner-time (which was always a little piece of hell in my house)...oh yea, working full time and keeping a house.  Let's not forget the little things that drive us all crazy at the beginning of the school year, just picture day can get one frazzled; "I'd like you wear this..." and then the fight erupts.  Every single mom was going through the same thing; why did they seem so much more graceful?  Why did they seem to have everything under control?  Husbands; that was the difference between those moms & myself.  The women who seemed to have it all together had a partner.  Dan was & is my partner in raising Bryan, but we didn't always have the solidarity that we have now; so, yea, I was missing the one factor that I envied in every other graceful, put-together mom.  Help.

These weeks have felt the same, yet completely different then every other year.  It feels the same because we are just was busy as every other September sans soccer; different because at Back to School night my ex-husband and I spoke to Bryan's counselor about the college process.  This was our final Back to School night; a night that I always looked at as an inconvenience is now a part of our history.
Bryan also has passed his driver's license test.  Surprisingly I am not nervous, he has had his permit for nearly a year and has had more then enough time on the road.  Hopefully, he'll stay smart.

The 2nd job is a whole other story.  I am exhausted & working two jobs is taking valuable time away from my YMCA people who I miss tons.  You don't know what a stress reliever the gym is until you can't get there.  Those people hold my sanity in the palms of their hands. 

All these new shenanigans are stressful and yes, time consuming, but this time Dan and I are aligned in the parenting department, so I don't feel as hopelessly sloppy as I did years ago.  YaY me!!

Will Septembers ever get easier?  Sure.  Bryan will eventually graduate from college.  It is then that I will miss the chaos of school nights and the craziness that it invites into everyone's household.  Here's to another four years of living life for my kid and doing the only job I was truly born to do; being Bryan's (not-so) graceful mom and doing it with a smile on my face and a glass of wine in my hand.

A Good Day!

“You're thought about more often than you probably can guess, and thoughts of you just naturally bring smiles of happiness.” - Anonymous

Today is a good day, the best day of the year in my estimation; today is the day that my son was born.  Today he turns 17 years old.  Now, this is huge because truthfully I cannot keep a plant alive no matter how hard I try, but I somehow managed to to raise a pretty fantastic young man; to say that I have been truly blessed is an understatement.
Today is equally important to his father, I am sure.  Now, I cannot speak for him, but I am pretty sure he is counting the days until is 18th birthday and his years of child support are history.  Lately, Dan has been much more generous and supportive then any amount of money could buy and I am so appreciative.

Seventeen was one of my favorite years and it is blowing my mind that Bryan is there right now.  Remember back to 17?  No bills, every extra minute spent with friends, nothing to worry about but homework and where the next party was or where everyone was hanging out & only a part-time job was necessary to pay mom & dad for car insurance.  Bryan is living that right now.  I hope he appreciates every second of being 17 years old.  I also hope & pray that he makes good smart decisions and thinks about the consequences before doing anything stupid.

This year is Bryan's Senior year of high school, and there is no doubt that it will be a busy, stressful year.  Here's to getting through it so he lives to see his 18th. 

You're my Golden Girl

I have always considered myself a good friend, I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I am.  I am a good friend because I surround myself with good, positive people.  It is easy to want to do things and be there for others when they are doing good things and being there for you.  So, yea, I am a good friend.

It is not a secret that I love everyone in my life, I have told you a million-and-one times, but to me it is worth repeating.  Last night, it was another late night and I received a text message on my cell phone.  (Weird, I thought nearly the whole world would have been sleeping.)  The text said "I just thought of you, it was the theme song from The Golden Girls that made me want to say hi.  Just glad that you're my friend...You're my Golden Girl."  How could your heart not be filled with love from that compliment.

Granted, she went on to say that I was Blanche ;) & a bunch of other silliness, but the moral of the story is, MY HEART IS TRUE, I AM A PAL AND A CONFIDANT!

Rest assured that my loyalty to the people that I love is boundless & you've got me in your lives, for better or worse.

Remembering...

September is the month to celebrate.  It always has been since the very day that I was born, then at 19 years old I had more reason to celebrate because I had been blessed with the reason that I wake up everyday, my son Bryan.  He was born just 6 days after my birthday making him the best birthday present ever.
Those 6 days that fall in between our birthdays used to be filled with anticipation for Bryan when he was younger, because he knew that his was so so close.  It was filled with anticipation for me because I love to give my favorite person presents and I never wanted to wait to see his precious little face light up when he finally opens them.

Now, those days that fill the time between our birthdays are filled with thoughts of one day in September, 2001.  In fact, as it nears September, I being to feel my heart get a little bit heavier.  This year marks the 10th anniversary of that horrific event, just 90 miles up the street.  On September 11, 2001, the United States of America was attacked by terrorists in New York City, Pennsylvania and Washington DC.  On that day lives were changed forever.

On September 11, 2001, I was a young mom, in my mid-twenties, divorced a couple of years, working in retail as a department manager.  Most of my friends still had not had an children, but everything that I did was for mine or with him in mind.  When a managers meeting was just getting ready to start and our Human Resources manager came running in to tell us that a plane hit the World Trade Center, I couldn't fully comprehend UNTIL we all went into the break room and watched on the TV what the news would end up repeating over-and-over and what every American will never be able to erase from their brains.  I remember my heart feeling like it was physically breaking, the heaviness in my chest (the same heaviness that I get every September now) was making me weak in the knees; the sadness was over-whelming, but I didn't cry.  I watched.  I watched and was scared, boy, was I scared.  Was I that naive that I thought that this would or could never happen to us?!?  I needed to find out how Bryan was; I called this school.  He was in second grade and was about to turn 7 that year.  The administration had told me that they announced what had happened, but wanted to keep things as normal as possible, but I was allowed to pick him up if I wanted to.  I opted not to, but I had to think about how I was going to handle this once I had picked him up from after-school care.  I was so young and didn't exactly have any answers myself.

I asked Bryan the other night, 'What do you remember about 9/11?'.  He went on to tell me exactly where he was sitting and what was being taught, but then he said, I remember not really caring when I heard.  A very honest answer and in reality, I am sure that he didn't, then he saw the TV footage and had a million questions just like the rest of us.
I am always very real with Bryan, so I didn't sugar coat.  I wasn't going to hide that there are bad people out there, I wasn't going to say that this wasn't going to happen again, but I was going to make sure that Bryan knew that you still had to treat people the way you would want to be treated.  Just because there are absolutely rotten people out there, let's not pretend that there aren't, we have to be bigger, more united and stronger then they are.  There are people who are always going to be jealous; jealous of what Americans have and represent, but if we stand together then we will over-come.
September 12, 2001 there was a thunder & lightning storm.  Bryan woke up screaming.  He thought we were being bombed.  It broke my heart.  The sleeplessness didn't last long, but I'll never forget.

Since then, New York has become one of my favorite places to visit.  It really reminds a person how very small one is in the big scheme of things; something I think everyone need to be reminded once-and-a-while. 
We have gone to Ground Zero, the name that has been given to the site where The Twin Towers once stood.  We have paid our condolences to those lives that were lost and changed forever.  We have mourned the American soldiers lost in battle defending us.  We prayed and still do for the soldiers to come home safely to their families. 

I hope that the family and friends of victims and all those who had to endure the pain of September 11, 2001 have grown from this tragedy and become stronger people.  This year is only the 10th anniversary, you will never be forgotten and are all considered heroes in my eyes.

Working Over-time.

Yesterday was my first day off in 9 days, it also just happened to be Labor Day; however there were no Bar-B-Q's to speak of for me, I would be visiting my father at the Hospital of The University of Pennsylvania. The last four months Pop has been receiving aggressive Chemotherapy at his home away from home.  I have to admit that on this visit I was a little bitter.  Bitter because in the hospital bed lie a man, who worked 50+ years for General Motors, many of those days were 12-14 hour days.  My dad NEVER said no to over-time or hard work; some way to spend a holiday built for people like just like him.
I called him the night before and asked when the best time to come visit would be, we planned for after lunch.  When I arrived the nurse came in and took his blood pressure, it was high, 150/some other big number.  The nurse was concerned, but she would be in multiple times because Pop was in the middle of getting a blood transfusion and they check vital signs every 15-30 minutes.  We chatted and laughed, he told stories that I have heard a million times and I listened enthralled as always, normal Pop & Sarah stuff. Finally, Pop had had enough of your truly and pretty much started kicked me out by throwing out hints of "Sarah, you don't want to miss the train", when the train wasn't coming for 45 minutes.  I waited until the nurse came one final time, when the first unit of blood was done.  His blood pressure was now 121/some other not so big number.  Now, I am no medical expert and some may say it was the blood transfusion that lowered his pressure, but Pop and I are sticking to the story that it was my visit that lowered those digits.
After seeing Pop's ruddy complexion and lifted spirits I wasn't so bitter, the man worked so hard all those years to make us happy, not himself.  He said yesterday, that sometimes when he thinks he's had it, he keeps fighting for the people who love him, the people who are praying for him.
He is still the hard working man I remember; just right now he is working hard, over-time, in his battle with Multiple Myeloma. 

Get Rhythm.

Today has been one complete week since I had gone to the gym, while that may not sound like a big deal to most, it totally is to me.  When my gym peeps start leaving messages on my Facebook wall wondering where I am, you know too many days have gone by.  To be honest, I got a second job.  I don't work a ton of hours at my second job yet, but I am working and it is EXHAUSTING!!!  Seriously, I was not expecting this.  I usually work out a minimum of 4 or 5 days a week, how could a second job be wearing me out the way it is?!?

I did get to the gym tonight with zero intention on going to a class.  Tonight I needed to run.  Tonight I didn't want to hear a cheery voice in front of the class pushing me to nth degree.  Tonight I needed the rhythm of the run.  My time running is very much like meditation.  I focus on the rhythm; my steps and my breath.  Yes, I do have music playing on my iPod, but most of the time I am thinking about nothing.  If anyone mediates that is the ultimate goal; to clear your mind of everything. (not always an easy task!)
I absolutely needed this tonight, just needed the peacefulness that I knew was within.  I am so glad that I found it.

Shaking my fist at YOU August! Jerk.

Just when you think one month has handed you enough, it can only get uglier when a hurricane is in the forecast.  The network news started beating us over the head with Irene days before she was set to enter the Northeast United States.  I may be paranoid or maybe I am having a really really hard time these days liking our government, but I think that they may have over-played how bad the storm was.  I know from pictures and new stories that there are places that got hit by Hurricane Irene very badly and I hope that those families are safe.  My own power didn't come back on until last night; but for gas stations to be sold out of gas 24 full hours before one drop of rain fell is ridiculous.  The network news stations were telling people to make sure that their cars were filled and if they needed to, head west.  They were also telling people to buy the supplies needed to make sandbags to prevent flooding; go out and buy ice and bottled water.  I honestly think that the government road the news of this storm and played us, the puppets that they master, to spend money, money that none of really have, for fear of our safety; when in many circumstances there was very little to fear.  Like I stated earlier, I may just be paranoid...

Today, my son & I had our 6 month dental check-up.  I generally like my dentists & my hygienist, I make my appointment with the same one every visit, except for today.  Today, I got Cathy, the hygienist from hell, since my normal hygienist was on vacation.  This woman made the one full hour that I was in that chair a terrible dental memory.  She had a heavy hand, and let's face facts, no one wants a heavy handed dental hygienist.  Now, I am not one to let someone put me in pain (or accuse me of not flossing) with out fighting back.  I went into bitch mode, at one point I even pushed her hand out of my mouth.  Hint, hint, I am paying you for this service so ease up.  The hygienist that was working on my son came in to my exam room to tell me how great Bryan was, how charming, & handsome; all the while I was thanking her, I was saying with my eyes, 'HELP MEEEEEE'!  She didn't pick put on it.  AWESOME.  I knew that she knew my feelings when she went to make my appointment and said "Would you like to make your appointment for the same time and day?  Don't worry, I normally don't work Monday nights."  I said, "ABSOLUTELY!!"

The good news is that there are only 2 more days left in the God forsaken month.  The bad news is that there are still 2 more days left.

shaken not stirred

Earthquakes.  I can only remember feeling a couple in my life; they are just not something that happens in the Northeast too often, so today at work while I was sitting at my desk and my chair started to move, I thought that it was one of my co-workers messing around with me and shaking my chair.  I turned around ready to elbow him in the hip and he wasn't there.  Well, then what the heck was going on?  My desk was shaking along with my computer monitor.  My boss, yells out from his office, "Does anyone else feel that shaking?"  He must've thought that he was going crazy too.  It turned out to be an earthquake originating from Virginia that was recorded as 5.8 in the Richter Scale, it went right up through the Eastern coast to New York.  Truth be told...I thought it was pretty cool, but that was the topping on the drama cake that I call, August 2011.

This month started started out with some weird news, but nothing that I couldn't handle.  No big deal. I was even offer a job that I had applied for as supplemental income.  Nice!  Enter food poisoning...I got extremely sick; should have been hospitalized type of sick, but my orientation for the 2nd job was in 24 hours and I had to go if I wanted the job.  The whole time all I could think of was: what if I pass out, vomit or worse (I think you know where I'm headed with "worse")?  I made it without incident, but was laid up for several more days.
 
Early morning, August 19th, Bryan & I had an unexpected & unwanted visitor.  Around 12:30 a.m. I hear a scream ("MOM!!!!!!") that I really have only heard in a horror movie and certainly NEVER from MY son.  I shot up out of bed and replied; that is when he let me know that there was a bat in the apartment.  My first reaction...I pulled the covers over my head.  I saw this thing flying back-and-forth though my itty bitty attic style home.  Holy crap.  Bryan took the dog and hid in our bathroom and I shut the door and found a safe haven in mine, that is until I hear my son yelling "Mom, he's coming for you!", then I see this creature crawling through the crack under my door.  I screamed.  I screamed loudly, ran out, and trapped the bat in my room with a towel blocking the crack.  My immediate reaction at that point was to call the police, I was not sure what they were going to do, but I needed help and it was now after 1 a.m., when the police showed up they gave me a couple of numbers for animal control and wildlife rescue; obviously they weren't picking up.  The policeman kindly offered to help catch the bat and set him free, so we came up with a plan.  I handed him a sheet and I blocked the door with another, there was no way this bat was getting past US!!  We tried to put our plan into action, but there was no bat.  Bryan and the policeman looked high and low and it had disappeared.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?  The police left.  UGGGGGHHH.  How am I supposed to sleep with a bat potentially hiding in my apartment?  Bryan, all the while donning his Batman shirt, said "Do you hear that?"  I didn't hear anything, but he did.  He took off his sneakers, climbed on my bed the took an antique piece of pottery down and went outside.  The bat had found a comfy place inside my kettle.  My son, the bat whisperer, saved the day.
I may or may not be suffering a bit from PTSD.  I am better now, but the next couple of days were a little brutal. 

What does the rest of August hold? This Saturday Bryan will be taking his driver test.  Now, this is a huge thing in the life of a 16 year old.  The only thing I dread is that lately everything Bryan touchs seem to break.  He sits on our fence, breaks it, tries to dry is clothes in the dryer, breaks it.  Needless to say, I am not really hyped for him to be driving my car.  It may be a piece of crap car to most, but it is all that I have for this moment.

So, August, this year you have been less then well behaved and I am glad that it will be a another 11 months until I am exposed to you again, but with all these tiny (in the grand scheme of things) mishaps, life goes on.  August, you have provided me with stories to tell!  I have learned and experienced; while things in my life may be shaken up every once and a while, I will not be stirred into a negative place. 

Humans helping humans

Earlier this month there was a tragic accident in my town.  This accident did not involve me or anyone that I know, but in a sense it involved my whole world.  I am saying this because this accident involved a car full of teens; 2010 graduates from my son's high school.  Two of the teens died in this accident and I cannot get them or their families out of my mind.

My son will be going for his driving test next weekend; he turns 17 years old next month.  He will be entering his senior year of high school.  This accident has hit too close to home for me.  Bryan is amazingly responsible, but that doesn't stop me from saying before he leaves to go out with his friends things like, "think of the consequences of your actions" or "I love you and trust you", I even tend to get really corny with "hugs instead of drugs".  He generally laughs me off or has some smart reply.  I don't care if I say it a million and one times, as a parent of a teenager you can only do so much to protect your child. 

It was an early Saturday morning when their parents received that call.

The story has been printed all over the papers & online, countless flowers and memorabilia have been laid at the scene of the accident.  Every article states how well loved these boys were; they were lacrosse players, smart college students who were loved by the whole community.  My son did not know the boys, having just moved to the area a couple of year ago, but his friends did, and speak about how awesome these kids were to be around. 

During the next few days arrangements were made and it became known that one of the families have, like many of us right now, fallen on hard times financially; which made a couple of wonderful souls plan a fundraiser at the local Rita's Water Ice for the family to help with burial expenses. 
It is with this news and the thought that if this was to happen, God forbid, to my son I would be in the same situation.  I needed to help.  I needed to help right now.

I went to my bosses, co-owners of the company that I am employed at, Family Abstract, Inc./The Title Offices, and asked them to get behind me in collecting money and donating what we could to this family.  There was zero hesitation; between my two bosses & myself there are 5 teenage boys, the exact amount that were in the car that wretched night.  I immediately sent out an office wide email asking my co-workers to pitch in.
The fundraiser was scheduled for yesterday starting at 5 pm.  All day it was raining off-and-on, then about 3:30 pm the sun breaks out.  It was now hot & the perfect weather for water ice.  After work, I was able to drop off what I collected and what my bosses generously donated to the family and friends of this young man.

As I pulled up to this place that I have been to more times then I can count, my eyes filled.  I prayed to God that I just keep composed.  I ended up speaking to a mom of one of the best friends, she was so shocked and appreciative.  She was literally at a loss for words, all she could do was give me the biggest hugs I think I have ever received from anyone.  Many of the boy's friend's were working the fundraiser; all so polite and thankful, but all with sadness in their eyes.

Overwhelmed by the whole atmosphere, I walked to my car and wept.  I wept because I love my son so so much.  I wept because I love my son's friends so much that I trust them with Bryan's life every time he gets in a car with them .  I wept for the parents who had to bury their teenage sons.  I wept because I felt so blessed to have helped in anyway to lessen the burden of finances so that these people can properly grieve for their son.

The Laundry Mat

Last week, the day after I did my laundry, Bryan did his.  He went to put his clothes in the dryer and it doesn't work.  I blamed Bryan, he blamed me; either way it doesn't work.  When I went to do my laundry this past weekend, I had remembered that the darn dryer was broken.  CRAP!!

Enter my Laundry Mat Adventurrrrrrrrre (said like Pigs In Space from The Muppets!).  I arrive at the laundry mat with my wet clothes & look around for a dryer; while this may seem easy, I haven't been in a laundry mat for years and don't readily know the schematics for said mat.  I find two machines and am well on my way to dry clothes.  I am rockin & rolling now.  Wow, this was going to be a long wait.
As, I am sitting there thinking I should may be grab a drink from the bar at the other end of the strip mall, but then realize that I look disgusting.  Well, there goes that idea.  The other people in the laundry mat were not people I would normally hang out with.  I have my ear buds in, listening to my music, looking around at these people that I have nothing in common with.  It was then that it occurred to me what a snob I was being.
I had everything in common with the patrons of the laundry mat that day.  I was there among the regulars doing my laundry because I don't have a dryer.  I was essentially on their turf, invading their territory thinking I was better.  I am absolutely no better then these people; just because we may not have the same language or color skin, doesn't mean that I am any better.  I felt like a complete jerk.

I believe that sometimes God puts people in certain situations to humble them.  I was absolutely humbled; totally realizing we are all just humans, humans who want the same things in life, whether it be making sure our children do well in school,  providing for our families so that food is on the table, or having clean, dry clothes.

Until I can get my dryer fixed, I will be spending more time with the patrons of this laundry mat. 

Shedding our shells

Something you may not know about yours truly is that I have a minor obsession with cicadas.  I think they are so interesting.  Ugly and interesting.

The thing that I associate with cicadas with is the heat.  In Pennsylvania, cicadas typically come out in late July & early August and only stay around for a about 4 or 5 weeks.  By "come out" I am referring to the surface, to the the top of the soil.  Cicadas spend years growing and feeding on tree and shrub roots before they surface and make their presence.  We all know when they have arrived by their sound!!

Cicadas like the heat and do most of their singing during the hottest parts of the day.  Only the males have the ability to make this familiar noise.  Their sound is often hypnotic and peaceful.
Many different cultures share this same fascination with this awkward looking creature.  Some look at the cicada as a symbol of reincarnation and fertilization. They shed their skin in the growing process; this is looked at as a sort of reaching enlightening and the growth we do ourselves as humans.

You have to admit they have a coolness about them.  They have remained in existence for thousands of years and with little thought from us in the modern United States.  Every year we take these silly looking things for granted while they nourish families in poverty ridden countries.

I first took an interest in cicadas a few years back when it my generations turn for the 17 year cicada.  WOW!  I am dork, but yes it's true.  There was a much bigger turn out in older neighborhood & developments especially up in Northern Pennsylvania. The 17 year cicada frenzy didn't live up to all the hype.  I don't know what I was hoping for, but I was a little let down.  So now, I look forward to the couple of cicadas that I do see and think of the journey that they have taken (sometimes from as far as 9 ft. underground).

After all, life is about the journey, developing & changing...shedding our shells. 

Dance like no one is watching.

This evening, right after I completed two classes at the gym, I made a beeline for Rita's Water Ice.  Today reached 105 degrees in the suburbs, not that it is an excuse, but it was needed after a long busy week at work and a hard workout.

While I was in line, a family was in front of me with a toddler boy.  This little guy was so cute.  He was so excited to be getting custard he was doing this anxious, happy dance.  I couldn't help but giggle at this & think how easy it is to be happy at the simple things when you're young.  This kid was SO happy, SO happy he was dancing.  When was the last time you were that happy by something as simple as custard?

I, myself, love Wawa's Diet Green Iced Tea.  People who know me know that it is my cold beverage of choice (when I'm not drinking water).  It has been referred to as my "crack".  This week I received a surprise Diet Green Ice Tea on my desk.  If I wasn't so busy at work, I would've danced.  Seriously. 

As an adult, it is hard to please people with simplicity, but to me it is the fact that I was thought about, even if only for a second.  Who doesn't love being thought about?  I love doing little things for people.  It makes me so happy to pay-it-forward.  You don't have to spend money to make someone's day. 
This week I received a message on my Facebook from an old friend who used to work with me years ago.  We have very similar personalities and we always got along so well.  She simply said that over the years I have crossed her mind and she reads my blog and can hear me speaking though it.  I am still smiling from this message.  Two huge compliments.  I don't even know if she knew how great it was for me to hear from her.  Well, she knows now. :)  I think more people should be like that. 

Everyone wants to know they're thought of.  It made me wanna dance!

Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger - FOR REAL!

I have said before that I love my YMCA!!  It is so important to my well being; my mental, my spiritual & of course, physical well being.  BUT...this week it is kicking my @ss.  I spend most of my time in group exercise classes.  My YMCA provides Les Mills fitness classes to it's members.  These classes are all choreographed to music and taught by Les Mills certified instructors.  SO, these classes are no joke.

This past weekend there were a couple of new releases.  Les Mills does this every few months.  Holy moley!!  These have been the toughest releases I can remember for a while.  Every ounce of me is sore & they haven't even launched the new Body Flow & Body Combat yet.  UGH!! 

I am not going to let these new releases kick my butt for long!!  I have my Y Crew.  We cheer each other on all the time.  We notice when each other go above & beyond; & we are elated when each of us bust through our personal goals, almost like we did it ourselves.  It's a pretty cool feeling to have so many people have your back.  The Crew will all be kicking butt in no time!!  Every time we get through another class, we are stronger in EVERY sense of the word. 

For now, Advil is my best friend.

Well, not-so-much a city...

Today was a bit of a lazy day.  I woke up late, surfed the internet while I drank my coffee, ran a couple of errand, went on a walk with the dog & watched, surprisingly, the Sex and the City movie.  Yes.  You read correctly.  I never watched it when it was on HBO, mostly because I didn't get HBO.  Sometimes, because I am a night owl, I catch it in syndication.

For years people have told me that I remind them of Carrie Bradshaw (the main character &  narrator), on Sex and the City.  Today, for the first time I saw it.  We have similar hair (which I already knew), she sometimes is pretty, and sometimes not-so-much, she is stylish (I try to be...if I only had more occasion to be.) & she writes what she knows.  In most episodes, she is just as confused as I am.  Maybe that is why I didn't turn the channel.  She is single, looking for love and trying to weed out the losers, I'm sorry...the undeserving.  She has her Mr. Big, as did I (not anymore).  Carrie turns to her friends for everything and they teach her so many life lessons.  Carrie & her friends lives make for stories that are relate-able.  We all learn from our friends; the good stuff & bad stuff alike.  Her friends while being beautiful are all very different, strong women who lean on each other.  How many of us have circles like this? 

I know people think that Sex and the City is less than fabulous television & that is OK, but now when someone compares me to Carrie Bradshaw, I don't think I'll just think of her hair.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." ~Carrie Bradshaw

Friends are the family that you choose!!

I just finished having an amazing visit with an old friend & I SO NEED IT!!

Everyone has different groups of friends throughout their life, sometimes throughout their day; school friends, work friends, gym friends, childhood friends, etc.; all special, all important, all there to get us through.  I have honestly been blessed beyond belief with so many very special people that have come in (and some out of) my life.  Yes, I love even those people who were once my friend and now are not.  I just do.  I have grown from the relationships I have had, all of them!  I know that there is a reason why they were put in my life & for whatever reason that is or was, I cherish those moments we spent.

I have different friends I go to for different things.  It sounds weird, but it's true.  I tell my best friend of 30+ years EVERYTHING.  The woman is my sister.  Her family is my family.  BUT there are other people who make me feel just as good, who know exactly what to say.  I have friends who I call when I am down about guy things, I have friends that I talk to about family, I even have friends I discuss spiritual stuff with.  I am gifted with these beautiful people who know exactly what to say to me and know when I need them.

There are others who take me away from reality, who, when I am with them I have such a great time that I actually forget the crappy; people who don't necessarily ask the questions, but are just there for me to listen if I want to talk.  They are the ones who make me laugh, who give my shenanigans right back to me and provide a numerous amount of laughter.

Now, don't get me wrong, we've all had our fights.  Holy moley, do we fight!  We are all very passionate people.  I may be a big personality and sometimes that big personality (along with a big mouth) gets me into some trouble, but my friends will give it right back.  How can you not respect that about someone?!?   Unconditional friendship.

Growth.  Not letting someone who means so much slip away.

I also love bringing all my groups of friends together.  It hasn't happened for a little bit (it happened much more often when my accommodations were bigger), but it needs to happen again soon!  I have known all these people for so long that they all are friends too.  One time one of them said to me, it is crazy how all of your different groups of friends get along so well. That statement is one I think about often.  I even found out a couple of years ago that 2 friends from 2 different circles are distant cousins, who grew up in the same town.

I crave my friends; all of these people who I have nestled in my life.  We have been through tons together.  Good things and bad.  They say that is how you know your friends are true, if they stick around through the tough times.  Well, I am proud to say mine are the truest, realest, bestest people in life.  If I am coming off as being proud right now, it is because I am.

Friends are the family that you choose!

YOU were her BIGGEST NIGHTMARE.

I know as I start to write this post that it is going to be controversial.  I'll take my chances; after all, I started this blog to write my ideas & opinions.  My opinion is just that, my opinion & no one has to agree with me; but as most people know, I am not one to just sit back with my mouth shut.  With that said...

I am saddened.  I am saddened by the death of Caylee Anthony; this beautiful little person is now at rest, but hardly at peace.  Any mother who has an ounce of love for their child has to wonder what this woman was thinking.  I could never raised a hand to my son without the feeling of guilt that lasted for days.  I think I slapped Bryan twice in his short life, after that, all I had to say was, "Do I have to come over there?"  Yes, I just admitted that I slapped my son.  I'll be looking for the lynch mob. 
Murder.  Taking someone one life.  Your own toddler.  Did you take the time to potty train her?  Did you help her learn her ABC's?  Did you kiss her good night, tell her to have sweet dreams when YOU were her biggest nightmare? 

Unfortunately, these thoughts don't play, or shouldn't play into a jury's mind when deciding a person's fate.  I should know.  In February of 2007, I sat as juror #10 on a murder trial.  It was one of the hardest experiences that I can remember.  We had 12 jurors and 2 or three alternates.  We spent everyday, all day together.  We only spoke to each other, but never about the trial, that is only allowed during deliberation, so we got to know each other; we had nothing else to do when we weren't in the court room.  We all had steno notepads which were destroyed after the trial, but with so many witnesses testifying there was no other way to remember.  The notebook was full of facts, not emotion.  I didn't write down how a witness made me feel.  I felt though, believe me, I felt.  Emotions are not what the trial is about.  Was there enough evidence?  Did they have enough proof?  Could there be any doubt?  These are the questions that are discussed during deliberation.

I have seen countless comments via the newspaper or Facebook statuses regarding the jury members of the Casey Anthony trial.  One of the first things that I said to myself at the start of her trial was, I'm glad I'm not on that jury;  knowing how it feels to be in their position, but these peers received national coverage.  Something I knew wasn't going to be easy.  Do you know how it feels to be in their position?  Anyone who has blamed or commented on the jurors, have you EVER sat as a juror on a murder trial?  Like everyone else you are under oath.  Sworn to make your decisions based on the evidence.  If there isn't enough evidence, then there is reasonable doubt.  I am sure that these people weren't willing to risk perjury, not seeing their families because they were serving time to put this crazy woman in jail.  Would you risk your family because it is what everyone thinks you should do?  Because you let your emotions in?  Because you lied under oath?
Yes.  She lied under oath as well, but as a juror I would not be willing to risk everything for a liar.


I believe that Casey Anthony will be in a living hell for the rest of her free existence.  Everything she does is undeserving from here on in.  She should not be allowed to go grocery shopping, watch T.V. or pick up dog poo in my opinion, but she has that option because she was found not guilty by a jury of her peers who didn't have enough evidence to convict her of murder.
My only question now is when she meets God and her baby is sitting next to him, how will she be judged?

Reading is Sexy!

 I love reading!  Maybe not as much as some people who always have their nose in a book, but I really enjoy the time that I get whisked away by a good read.
I also love a reader!  In my humble opinion, reading is like attractive accessory.  Hell, reading is down right SEXY! 

My favorite books are usually historical, mostly in and around the Tudor period, but I also have a darkness to me, so books set in Medieval Europe are alluring.  I just can't get enough: I want to swallow all the images in my mind, all the facts, all the characters.  I need to absorb it all!!  Except in the summer...the summer is when I pick up what I call "fluff".  I think EVERYONE should read & like what they are reading.  If you love reading something that I consider "fluff", I admire you for just picking the book up, because I love it too.  Fluff is what I consider an easy read.  Light & Fluffy.  I don't know about you, but in the summer I like to sit on the beach and read, or try to, because usually I am people watching or eaves dropping on the families next me (creeper, I know, but we are all guilty); with these VERY important tasked I involve myself in, how am I supposed to put my undivided attention into anything that needs undivided attention?  It helps in the summer, to keep the reading light. 

Recently, I won a book.  I selected it from other prizes because a friend had told me about it months ago.  I still had the post-it on my work desk, just so I wouldn't forget to check it out on Amazon.  I forgot, until I saw it as a potential prize.   I am sure many of you have heard of it.  It is now a best-seller.  The book that I won is called, The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  This book is something that I would normally consider "fluff", boy was I absolutely wrong.  This book, this amazing book is set in Jackson, Mississippi in 1963.  It is a book with beautiful, richly written, lovable & loath-able characters & a glorious storyline.  Why, oh why did I wait until the summer to read this?  Yes, it was an easy read, but the depths that Ms. Stockett reached was unparalleled for a novel of this nature.  I didn't want it to be over.  I even read the acknowledgements.  If you haven't read this book.  It is a MUST!!

The Bee's Knees Fundraiser = Success!!

The generosity of people amaze me.  All it took was one person to ask if The Bee's Knees could be their local charity and the process was in motion.

The Bee's Knees is the team that I started for The Miles for Myeloma 5k walk/run. We have been warriors for Multiple Myeloma since 2010.   That year we didn't make our goal.  We only had about 10 walkers.  It was only the 2nd year of The Miles for Myeloma 5k in Philadelphia, so I kept telling myself that it wasn't too shabby for my first year.  This year my personal goal was to hit the goal that I set for the team and to double the number of walks/runners that I had had in 2010.  I met my goal with the help of the most generous people.  Friends were posting on facebook and forwarding numerous emails to all of their friends.  I couldn't have done it without all of their help.

This past weekend an event for The Bee's Knees was held at a local bar.  During my fundraising for the 5k this year, I had received an email from a stranger.  A friend-of-a-friend.  This stranger told me that he was throwing an event and was looking for a local charity to donate the proceeds to.  He asked if The Bee's Knees could be that charity.  All of the money collected though The Bee's Knees goes to The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation, a charity that is so close to my heart.  My dad being diagnosed over 2 1/2 years ago with debilitating disease, so of course I had jumped at the opportunity.
This man put on a hip-hop show; complete with raffles, and strippers collecting money for donations bee's, body artists & an artist creating designs in clients hair.  Not something I would immediately think of at all, but the creativity behind it all was truly inspirational and overwhelming.

It turned out to be a fabulous night thanks to this not-so-much a stranger anymore.  He is a good guy who says that he is not done being a warrior for The Bee's Knees.  He says we haven't heard the last from him!!  I say...Thank God!!!!

It's Summatime!!!

You can smell it in the air.  You can feel it in your bones.  You can see the lightning bugs in your yard!!! 

Today, is the first day of summer.  I have always enjoyed the summer, and what is not to love?  Baseball is in full-effect and my son is out of school; with the latter part of that statement comes endless days for him.  Mid-week sleep-overs & bonfires in the back yard are just a couple of the things that I have to look forward to with Bryan.  I never minded.  In fact, I love being asked the question..."Mom, what day is it?"  These perfect days that just ran into each other.

There are so many summer memories.  We all have them!  The memories from way, way back consist of spending days in the pool, ALL day if possible.  Running through the sprinklers, & spending a week with Nanny & Grandpa in Summit, NJ.  No sea shore for us, we were North Jersey bound. There were also those day trips to Dorney Park, Hershey Park & Six Flags.  Around the 4th of July, people would flock to my hometown to go to the local carnival.  They were, & still are one of the very few locations in the area that had fireworks.  People literally took shuttle buses; but we were in walking distance.  Lucky us!!
Then, as we got older we went to carnival after carnival.  Looking back, I think about how gross it was and those carnie perverts.  It didn't stop us (the teenage girls) from flirting to get a free ride.  The New Jersey shore was the spot to be.  We would go anywhere with a beach!!  We made money by baby-sitting or mowing lawns, it didn't matter because we weren't quite old enough to have a "real" job.  We laid out  in the sun ALL day and had our cordless phones next to us, just in case someone called to make plans.
The year that I was pregnant with Bryan was the hottest summer that I can remember.  Continuous days of triple digit temperatures.  I was so uncomfortable and huge (Bryan was born in September).  Summers after that changed...not in a bad way.  I had this itty bitty buddy to bring to the shore and show him everything that the summer had to offer.  He took to the summer like a duck to water.  Jumping in the pool donning his mickey mouse swimmies.  Actually, Bryan is currently down the shore and having a blast. He got his ears pierced on the boardwalk.  When he comes home he'll be making his way to a Katy Perry concert.  He is obsessed and I am not sure it has anything to do with her talent?!?

This also happens to be the summer before Bryan's senior year of high school.  I am hoping that he has a blast this year.  A safe blast, thinking of the consequences of his actions kind of blast, but a blast none-the-less.

Time escapes us faster then we know.  Embrace every perfect summer day that you can & make memories that you'll never want to forget!!

What are your favorite summer memories?  Boys, Flings, Camps?

2 1/2 years old

in Florida, Bryan is 7 years old.

This week Bryan sent me a picture of his new accessory.

Strength in Weakness

Lots of people have described me a s being a strong person.  How could I have gotten through everything that my young life has thrown at me if I weren't, right?  Yea, I am strong!  I used to think it was a bunch of malarkey (I never was really great at accepting compliments), but now I know...I am strong.   
The past couple of months have been a little treacherous.  Rationally, I know things could be a lot worse.  I mean A LOT worse, but sometimes the strength put forth on a daily basis is eroded by bits of tiny snip-its of news.
When one reaches their breaking point people handle themselves in a myriad of different ways.  Recently, my strength fell.  I felt it falling, I saw it falling and I knew I had to catch it.  I decided the best thing to do at the moment was let myself feel.  Feel sad.  Wallow in my melancholy.  Lament.  So I did exactly that, for the next two days I let myself feel.  My friends know that when I get into these "funks" I essentially fall off the face of the earth.  I am unreachable.  They know how I do and they let me. I love my friends.

Anyway, when I went looking for my strength I found it.  It was right here.  I picked it up and knew that I was done being sad.  Granted, the situations in my life right now haven't changed & won't anytime soon, and I will deal with that, but to decompress every once and a while to keep your sanity is OK.  There is nothing weak about letting down your guard, finding strength in weakness and grow as a person.

I have so much gratitude for every breath that I take, for every face that makes or has made me smile or cry.  I have a past & it's not all sunshine, rainbows & flowers, but I am here because I am strong and that means that I also have a future!

Baby daddy

My son Bryan did not just get his awesomeness from me.  I know.  I know.  You all thought he did & really who could blame you?!?  There is this other person in his life that tends to lend a substantial hand in his upbringing, this person is his dad, my ex-husband, Dan.

Despite EVERYTHING that Dan & I have been through, he has always been a good father to our son.  They have a special relationship & always have.   Dan was Bryan's soccer coach for years and was loved by the whole team.  He is also the one who would go on the class trips with Bryan in elementary school.
Sometimes Bryan acts so much like his dad that I want to scream & am totally willing to disown him when he acts out of turn; calling his dad and saying, "Your son..."!  Dan is a superstar in his son's eyes which is all MY doing.  Trust me, Dan and I are civil, but I don't always sing his praises.  I don't EVER disrespect my son's father by speaking negatively in front of him.  That was a rule from the day we separated.  Anyone who is in Bryan's life knew how I felt about it and it wouldn't be tolerated.  Dan was his father for better or worse.  We were young and had no idea what the heck we were doing, but he stayed in his son's life because he wanted to.

Being a dad...I don't know how to do it and have never pretended to.  Dan always keeps his cool, so I never really knew or understood how hard it was for him to be a teenage dad.  He was always the one who knew that we would do OK raising Bryan.  I was always the one who thought that I don't know enough to teach another human being how to live life; raise someone to eventually be a grown-up.  What if we eff him up?  Dan trusted me.  He still trusts me and gives me credit for how great Bryan turned out. 
Today, I tip my hat to him.  This weekend is Father's Day and Bryan will be down the shore with his friends.  Dan is totally OK with this.  They have a great relationship/friendship that I will never even try to understand. (All the burping, farting and spitting grosses me out anyway...& the video games. ugh.)
He is the very best dad that he can be.  I don't always agree with his choices and at times I don't believe that he gives 100%, but I do believe that he gives everything that he can to give to Bryan.  He's pretty helpful to me too, I believe that the greatest gift a father can give his child is to respect their mother.

Happy Father's Day to all the great Dad's out there!!

Daddy's Little Girl

I was always daddy's little girl.  Everything that the man did interested me to the nth degree; whether he was giving the station wagon a tune up or was just changing the oil, I was right by his side.  He built our play house in our backyard, I was handing him a hammer.  I installed air conditioners with him, painted with him, landscaped with him, & fixed toilets, just wanting to suck in any time that I could with my dad; not even thinking that he was teaching me SO much.  Now, I have multiple tool boxes and many DIY skills.

Along with manual labor, my father is very spiritual.  He loves Jesus & would scream it from the roof tops.  I have also inherited this from him.  I am not as vocal about my Faith, but It is and has been instilled in me at a very young age.  My Faith has gotten me through my life.  I have a conscience and try to be the very best version of myself.  It isn't always easy, but I am learning that this process is not one that happens overnight.

My father is also, according to many, a pretty funny guy.  I always thought he was corny, well, because I've heard all his shenanigans over and over.  He makes people laugh on a daily basis and loves to see people happy.  He gets disappointed when people don't "get" him or his style of humor.  I also love to see people happy and my sense of humor is pretty similar to my dad's.  Yes, I am ridiculously corny, but I wouldn't be Sarah otherwise.

By now I think all of you know how incredible I think my dad is, I could go on & on.  His current illness has brought many feelings to the surface; good & bad.  Overall, my dad did a pretty good job with the whole Fatherhood thing...at least with me, daddy's little girl.

Last Stop presents HOCUS POCUS - proceeds to benefit THE BEE'S KNEES!

THE BEE'S KNEES is the team that I lead annually in The Miles for Myeloma 5k walk/run.  My father Jim Burns is currently battling this wretched cancer.  It is a debilitating cancer of the blood plasma which stems from bone marrow. 
When I was planning this years walk, I had asked my friends to re-post donation links on Facebook or forward weekly emails to their friends and family; I wanted so badly to reach my goal.  One night, I received an email from a stranger with the subject 'Interested in donating to The Bee's Knees'.  I opened it and as I was reading I was overwhelmed.  I felt my heart in my mouth, chills and tears in my eyes.  This couldn't be true? I don't even know this guy.  The body of the email had said that this stranger was a friend of one of my long-time friends and he was putting together a show with live entertainment in Doylestown, in June and he was looking for a local charity.  He was wondering if I was interested in The Bee's Knees being that local charity.  He said, I know it won't help for this years (the 5k was in April) event, but it will give you a good start for next year.  More invisible kindness.

On Saturday, June 25th, join me for a night of LIVE ENTERTAINMENT at MUGS ON MAIN STREET in DOYLESTOWN, PA FROM 9 PM -2 AM.  Proceeds and donations to benefit THE BEE'S KNEES!!  Please stop by and say hello!!!

Potential Early Dismissal...Seriously?!?

Can't sleep so you reap the benefits!

Yesterday afternoon I received an email with the subject line reading: "Potential Early Dismissal".  I knew what it was regarding before I even open it and just shook my head while I read the email.  The gist of the email was that since it was going to be so hot (high of 95 degrees), the district is thinking about making it a half day for students, because the students safety is at risk.

Then, I felt old.  I was saying to myself things like "When I was in school..." & "I remember...".  Granted, I never had to walk to school in a blizzard up hill both ways, but there was a time when we were in school and it was HOT and we dealt with it. 
I went to Catholic School for 12 years and we never had air conditioning.  I remember the teachers in grade school opening all of the windows, pulling down the shades, telling us to put our heads on our desk and 'think cool thoughts'.  Cool thoughts?  If I was anything like I am today I probably over-thought that phrase and was probably imagining what it would be like to meet Kirk Cameron (what?  back then that would've been a REALLY cool thought!).  Cool thoughts?  Hmmm...today it would be Jayson Werth, but anyway, I doubt I was thinking igloos and freeze pops.  My point is those brief periods of mini-meditations of sorts, got us through to the end of the day & the bus ride home.  OH!  The boys, those poor boys had to wear slacks (& in high school those slacks were wool) until the very last day.  Jeez-O-Man.

What has changed in the youth of today?  Are they made of wax?  I understand that a handful of kids may have issues with the heat, but most healthy kids, in my opinion can deal with the season changes as they come.

Since the district sent this memo out to all parents, you know that this will come into fruition; they have already planted the seed...

Just think, it is only June!

I doodle arrows.

My main job at The Title Offices is schedule coordinator;  meaning that I schedule loans to close in 4 states. This also means that I speak on the phone A LOT!!  While I am speaking to various clients and borrowers scheduling my little heart out, I am taking notes.  My co-workers have noticed that I am an arrow drawer.  It was yesterday at work after a difficult scheduling request (sounds impossible, but it happens), I look at my notes and there were more then a half a dozen arrows all over my paper.

I had decided it was time to Google this habit of doodling arrows to see just how screwed up I really am. The term 'doodle' in Old English refers to a dumb person (hey now...watch it!).  In present day they are referred to as indescribable, incomprehensible collection of lines. (Noooo, I know I am doodling arrows).   As most know, doodles are expressions of the subconscious mind and can reveal  a lot about a persons temperament and mood at the time.  The size and position of the doodles are also indicators of the overall meaning.
Apparently, as I was finding out, there was a lot to research to do about my arrows, but to keep a long story short: arrows indicate a person who is aggressively ambitious, a determined mind who wishes to reach ones mark; an arrow can also represent direction and ambition.  If drawn aggressively, which mine are, it means that one has a desire for action.  Doodling arrows has masculine associations, hmmmm...

It turns out that I am not crazy, but a masculine girl who is ambitiously active!  Watch out world...here I come!!

"OH SH*T!!" No one made it...

We delivered "the goods"; "the goods", being my dad, to the University of Pennsylvania last night.  They didn't end up calling my parents to let them know that a bed was ready until after 6 pm.  Thank goodness my mom made the decision to catch a train as start down to the city about an hour before the call. When we arrived we had to wait an hour for the room to be clean.  We were thinking this must be a hell of a hospital room!! & it was!!!

When we got up to his floor and were waiting at the nurses station where we happened upon this wall;

 where I immediately looked and was puzzled by the lack of photos in the frames, then my mom caught my quizzical look at the wall.  Finally, Pop turned around...he shocking said, "OH SH*T!  No one made it." and laughed...
He still has his sense of humor!  Like I said he expects you to laugh and be fun.  No gloomy Guses in his presence.

His biggest fear was that we had to take the 11 pm train home & that we might run into hoodlems.  I reassured him that I had it covered.  I'm not sure that he believed me, but I knew that we were going to be just fine.  I take combat classes afterall.

Pop will be in the University of Pennsylvania for a couple more days until they can lower his blood's viscosity to a normal, more healthy level.  While he is not happy to be a patient, I know that he is the best hands in the tri-state area for his type of cancer & if anything was to happen he is being well taken care of.  I know this makes my mom less anxious and right now she needs to grab any break she can get. 

Hyperviscosity Syndrome, you SUCK!!

I received some crappy news today.  I know there are other, more mature adjectives for this news, but crappy, that is what I am going with.
My Pop, has to be admitted to the hospital at The University of Pennsylvania.  He will be receiving in-patient treatment for a rare side-effect from the Multiple Myeloma called Hyperviscosity Syndrome (HVS).  This syndrome causes a thickening of the blood.  We were told that this condition is pretty dangerous because the thickness of the blood could make his veins tear, his heart malfunction, there is even a possibility of a coma. 
Holy Moley that is a lot to digest.  Right now he is home waiting for the call that a bed is available.

My dad would never admit it, but he must be terrified.  I know I am terrified for him & of course, super helpless.
My mom is so exhausted, when she called me to let me know how the appointment went, the sound of her voice said it all.  Sometimes, I think she needs the thoughts and prayers that I am asking for for Pop.  This is not the first time she has been the care-taker for a cancer patient; afterall, my brother had cancer at the age of 15.  If you ask me there is NOTHING harder on a parent then childhood cancer.    He is now in his 40's and completely healthy. She also traveled up to Northern New Jersey a few times a week to help my grandmother care for my grandpop while he was ill.  This is not something that anyone should have to get used to, but she is a warrior for the people that she loves.


Anywho...as much as I loathe cancer and what it is doing to me & my family, I trust that EVERYTHING will work out the way it is supposed to.  Pop is the one who instilled that in me.  He hasn't lost Faith, in fact I think he has become more faithful if that is possible.  He would NEVER want me to give up.  Never stop laughing and having fun.  That's just Pop; always with a cheesy joke & a smile.  It is hard & I am scared, but cancer WILL NOT impose on my spirits.

I love my YMCA!!

I love my YMCA!  Yes, it's true.

I have been a member for 2 1/2 years or so.  I go 4 or 5 days a week and most of the time you can find me in a group exercise class.  A couple of weeks ago, it was announced that one of our beloved group exercise instructor would be leaving.  She would be moving back to Florida to accept another position.  She and her family are more then happy to move back to the place that they spent so many years.

All of the members at the YMCA are so saddened by this news.  This woman who is admired by men & women alike.  The YMCA's is about strengthening spirit, mind and body, all of which Cindy represents.  She has warmth and compassion, a positive energy that is through the roof and accompanied by a smile on any given day.  A true roll model for the all members.  Don't let that sweet disposition fool you though!  She will kick your butt in class and makes you want to work for it. Cindy is sweating along with you, wanting you to reach your personal best.

She has brought us together for game nights and fund-raisers; through all these different events she has brought all of her "students" closer.  We all are friends and care about the well being of each other.  We push each other and have this amazing fellowship.  Cindy has done her job and now has to touch other lives the way she has touched all of ours.

Tonight we will be getting together to say bye to her.  To wish her happiness and blessings in the place she loves and calls home.  We are thanking God tonight that she came into our lives and that she has family in the area to come back and visit.