Certainly...A Rocky Start

I cannot believe that it is the middle of March and that this is my first post of the new year, but I am excited to get back in the saddle.
How did my year start off? Why the rocky start? Well, how do I put this? I hate negativity.  Recently, a friend said to me that "only crazy people put negative personal stuff on the internet", I am about to show you how crazy I can be, I am writing about life and let's face it, it's not all peaches and cream.  Please be prepared for an honest and real post.

I found out that being a mom of a teenage boy (or teenagers in general, I suspect) is A LOT. A LOT of rejection, A LOT of anxiety, A LOT of fear, A LOT of frustration & the list goes on and on.  All of a sudden EVERYTHING changes. 

As most of you know, Bryan started his college career this past September, while he was there he proved Bloomsburg's reputation of being a party school to be completely accurate and during his stay had a couple of bumps with the law; because of this, he lost financial aid for the following semester and he had to make the decision to withdraw and end his time at Bloomsburg University. 

I was besides myself. I now loved my privacy, enjoyed my freedom and here comes my only son, my pride & joy, putting an end to everything that I had learned to relish.  However, this was not my only concern. I wasn't receiving child support anymore, Bryan had turned 18 and payments ended a month before his birthday in September. I couldn't afford for Bryan to live with me without a job and a way to contribute.

I had made a list of rules that Bryan would have to abide by if he was going to live with me. I would have loved if he would've gone to community college, but he decided to put college on pause. I was heart-broken. I also required Bryan to get a job, not a surprise, obviously he wasn't a student, this had to be a no-brainer.  I gave him a month to find a job or he'd have to move out.

The  hardest thing I had to do was ask him to leave. He had gotten in more trouble and as much as I love him, I couldn't support this or the way he was choosing to live. I miss him, its been 2 months, but I tell him all time that I love him. When he drops by to visit it lifts my heart to levels I didn't know existed because he is visiting by choice, not because he lives here.

That was a rocky start to 2013...but everything was out of my control, so I "gave it to God" and I refused to let what was going on with my son get me down. I still believe 2013 is new, with lots of fun, blessed & probably more trying times ahead. (but we'll give them to God too.)

I have started planning The Miles for Myeloma 5k walk/run , you remember my team, The Bee's Knees?  It's that time of year again and fundraising is my middle name.  My goal of $4000 is staying the same even though I don't have Bryan's funding raising graduation project to bring in the big bucks, so I applied for a grant through my 2nd job and found out last week that we, The Bee's Knees have been awarded $2500.  I feel continuously blessed working with the Philadelphia Multiple Myeloma Networking Group and The Miles for Myeloma 5k.  We are helping so many patients and families find hope.

In my very last post of 2012, I wrote about my unwanted guest, the mouse in my house. This past weekend, I finally was able to say good riddance to him. Here's hoping his friends & family are sealed off and their long stay is over. 

So, as you can see, things are already starting to look up and become brighter. 

There but for the grace of God, I go.

The Bee's Knees

My father was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in early 2009.  It was life changing.  My father, the absolute strongest man I know was now weakened by a vicious monster that we refer to as cancer.  Multiple Myeloma (MM) is a cancer of the blood plasma.  This cancer runs throughout his veins on a daily basis.  He often receives plasma transfusions along with blood transfusions, these help raise his blood count and lower his protein count.  He receives his monthly, multi-day chemo treatment at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital.  This month was a bit different for him because it was the first treatment that my mom wouldn't be by his side.  He did great!  BUT, it's Jim Burns, so why wouldn't he?!?  This man is still, despite his bones literally deteriorating inside his body, and every single plasma cell coursing through his veins being contaminated with cancer, the strongest man that I know.  He CAN & WILL overcome EVERYTHING & ANYTHING that comes in his way.

The support of family and friends, thoughts and prayers from everyone who cares about him are what is keeping my Pop strong; that and the wonderful miracles workers at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital, the researchers at the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation who dauntlessly work at finding a cure for my father and everyone suffering from MM.

Cancer puts loved ones in this uncontrollable place; the same loved ones who would do anything for the person they love.  We are suddenly left helpless; all we have is our faith & put it ALL in every doctor and nurse, ALL of our faith in whatever higher power one chooses to pray to, EVERYTHING is out of our hands.

Clearly I couldn't just sit back, so I did a bit of investigating and found that the Philadelphia Multiple Myeloma Networking Group held an event called Miles for Myeloma (it was only the 2nd annual event).  This event is a 5k walk/run with one of the beneficiaries being Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation.  This is what I had to do!   I coordinated a team in honor of my Pop, called "The Bee's Knees", this year will be the 3rd year we will be 'stepping to take the sting out of MM'.  If you are in the Philadelphia area on Saturday, April 21st (which would have been my Mom's 70th birthday) and would like to join or donate to my team, THE BEE'S KNEES, please just click on the link and be as generous as possible!

We couldn't keep up this fight with out people like you.  HUMANS HELPING HUMANS!!

Working Over-time.

Yesterday was my first day off in 9 days, it also just happened to be Labor Day; however there were no Bar-B-Q's to speak of for me, I would be visiting my father at the Hospital of The University of Pennsylvania. The last four months Pop has been receiving aggressive Chemotherapy at his home away from home.  I have to admit that on this visit I was a little bitter.  Bitter because in the hospital bed lie a man, who worked 50+ years for General Motors, many of those days were 12-14 hour days.  My dad NEVER said no to over-time or hard work; some way to spend a holiday built for people like just like him.
I called him the night before and asked when the best time to come visit would be, we planned for after lunch.  When I arrived the nurse came in and took his blood pressure, it was high, 150/some other big number.  The nurse was concerned, but she would be in multiple times because Pop was in the middle of getting a blood transfusion and they check vital signs every 15-30 minutes.  We chatted and laughed, he told stories that I have heard a million times and I listened enthralled as always, normal Pop & Sarah stuff. Finally, Pop had had enough of your truly and pretty much started kicked me out by throwing out hints of "Sarah, you don't want to miss the train", when the train wasn't coming for 45 minutes.  I waited until the nurse came one final time, when the first unit of blood was done.  His blood pressure was now 121/some other not so big number.  Now, I am no medical expert and some may say it was the blood transfusion that lowered his pressure, but Pop and I are sticking to the story that it was my visit that lowered those digits.
After seeing Pop's ruddy complexion and lifted spirits I wasn't so bitter, the man worked so hard all those years to make us happy, not himself.  He said yesterday, that sometimes when he thinks he's had it, he keeps fighting for the people who love him, the people who are praying for him.
He is still the hard working man I remember; just right now he is working hard, over-time, in his battle with Multiple Myeloma. 

The Bee's Knees Fundraiser = Success!!

The generosity of people amaze me.  All it took was one person to ask if The Bee's Knees could be their local charity and the process was in motion.

The Bee's Knees is the team that I started for The Miles for Myeloma 5k walk/run. We have been warriors for Multiple Myeloma since 2010.   That year we didn't make our goal.  We only had about 10 walkers.  It was only the 2nd year of The Miles for Myeloma 5k in Philadelphia, so I kept telling myself that it wasn't too shabby for my first year.  This year my personal goal was to hit the goal that I set for the team and to double the number of walks/runners that I had had in 2010.  I met my goal with the help of the most generous people.  Friends were posting on facebook and forwarding numerous emails to all of their friends.  I couldn't have done it without all of their help.

This past weekend an event for The Bee's Knees was held at a local bar.  During my fundraising for the 5k this year, I had received an email from a stranger.  A friend-of-a-friend.  This stranger told me that he was throwing an event and was looking for a local charity to donate the proceeds to.  He asked if The Bee's Knees could be that charity.  All of the money collected though The Bee's Knees goes to The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation, a charity that is so close to my heart.  My dad being diagnosed over 2 1/2 years ago with debilitating disease, so of course I had jumped at the opportunity.
This man put on a hip-hop show; complete with raffles, and strippers collecting money for donations bee's, body artists & an artist creating designs in clients hair.  Not something I would immediately think of at all, but the creativity behind it all was truly inspirational and overwhelming.

It turned out to be a fabulous night thanks to this not-so-much a stranger anymore.  He is a good guy who says that he is not done being a warrior for The Bee's Knees.  He says we haven't heard the last from him!!  I say...Thank God!!!!

Last Stop presents HOCUS POCUS - proceeds to benefit THE BEE'S KNEES!

THE BEE'S KNEES is the team that I lead annually in The Miles for Myeloma 5k walk/run.  My father Jim Burns is currently battling this wretched cancer.  It is a debilitating cancer of the blood plasma which stems from bone marrow. 
When I was planning this years walk, I had asked my friends to re-post donation links on Facebook or forward weekly emails to their friends and family; I wanted so badly to reach my goal.  One night, I received an email from a stranger with the subject 'Interested in donating to The Bee's Knees'.  I opened it and as I was reading I was overwhelmed.  I felt my heart in my mouth, chills and tears in my eyes.  This couldn't be true? I don't even know this guy.  The body of the email had said that this stranger was a friend of one of my long-time friends and he was putting together a show with live entertainment in Doylestown, in June and he was looking for a local charity.  He was wondering if I was interested in The Bee's Knees being that local charity.  He said, I know it won't help for this years (the 5k was in April) event, but it will give you a good start for next year.  More invisible kindness.

On Saturday, June 25th, join me for a night of LIVE ENTERTAINMENT at MUGS ON MAIN STREET in DOYLESTOWN, PA FROM 9 PM -2 AM.  Proceeds and donations to benefit THE BEE'S KNEES!!  Please stop by and say hello!!!

"OH SH*T!!" No one made it...

We delivered "the goods"; "the goods", being my dad, to the University of Pennsylvania last night.  They didn't end up calling my parents to let them know that a bed was ready until after 6 pm.  Thank goodness my mom made the decision to catch a train as start down to the city about an hour before the call. When we arrived we had to wait an hour for the room to be clean.  We were thinking this must be a hell of a hospital room!! & it was!!!

When we got up to his floor and were waiting at the nurses station where we happened upon this wall;

 where I immediately looked and was puzzled by the lack of photos in the frames, then my mom caught my quizzical look at the wall.  Finally, Pop turned around...he shocking said, "OH SH*T!  No one made it." and laughed...
He still has his sense of humor!  Like I said he expects you to laugh and be fun.  No gloomy Guses in his presence.

His biggest fear was that we had to take the 11 pm train home & that we might run into hoodlems.  I reassured him that I had it covered.  I'm not sure that he believed me, but I knew that we were going to be just fine.  I take combat classes afterall.

Pop will be in the University of Pennsylvania for a couple more days until they can lower his blood's viscosity to a normal, more healthy level.  While he is not happy to be a patient, I know that he is the best hands in the tri-state area for his type of cancer & if anything was to happen he is being well taken care of.  I know this makes my mom less anxious and right now she needs to grab any break she can get. 

The Jersey Shore

Last night I couldn't sleep.  As, I mentioned before, my father has Multiple Myeloma.  He has been in the hospital since Saturday.  He went in for a intestinal infection and is still there.  The doctors aren't hopeful that any further treatment will help because he is just too sick; hence the sleeplessness.

While I was up last night, I was thinking back to when I was a teenager.  All my friends loved Pop,  he was always good for a story and a joke.  My pop was actually not totally uncool.  Weird right?!?  That is why when he would ask me to go down the sea shore with him for the day, I would always say yes.  Sometimes just us with our radio, sometimes I would bring a  friend; truth be told, I always liked it better when it was just Pop and I.  We are one soul.  He is my hero.

Multiple Myeloma is slowly draining him of his time here on earth and I hate it.  I understand him and he tries to understand me.  We don't always see eye to eye, we fight like no other, but there is no one else I would rather go down the shore with.  I will never ever look at the sand and surf without thinking of him.

My So Called Life...

This morning I was watching a rerun of "My So Called Life".  Remember how great that show was?  I will never tire of seeing it and it immediately brings me back in time.  In today's episode, Angela had just gotten back from hanging out with her friends and her father was up when she came home.  Angela's dad offered to heat up some dinner for her; they show her at the dinner table with her dad and if you are familiar with the show, she narrates her thoughts to the viewers.  In this instance she says, "When my dad heats something up, it tastes better then when anyone else does."  My eyes filled.

My father has cancer.  He was diagnosed 2+ years ago with Multiple Myeloma (MM).  MM is a cancer of the blood plasma; while this type of cancer stems from the bones it is not a bone cancer.  When Pop was diagnosed, he was just about to retire from General Motors where he worked for 50 years.  He was a hard worker, 14-15 hours a day was nothing to him.  He worked hard for his family and couldn't wait to finally celebrate his golden years with his bride.  Pop was diagnosed as being in stage 3 of 3.  They started him on treatment immediately which didn't work.  Over 2 years of numerous treatments and a clinical trial they are still looking for a treatment that might work.
Today he was admitted to the hospital.  He is very ill.  His blood pressure is high, his blood counts are low, he is dry heaving and can't keep anything down.  They are running tests, so right now we know that it isn't pneumonia.  Thank goodness, but they don't know what it is. I am currently asking everyone for positive thoughts and prayers.

While I was watching Angela Chase speak with her father on "My So Called Life" this morning, I mentioned my eyes filled.  I had no idea my father was waiting in the ER.  My eyes filled with awesome memories of my pop.  Pop and I always had a special relationship.  I would be able to talk to Pop about everything.  We fight, man do we fight, but we get each other.  He doesn't have this same relationship with my brother or sister.  It is ours.  A father - daughter relationship all it's own.  
Cut from the same cloth some might say.  That used to make me SO mad.  He was such a jerk and so closed minded; why would anyone want to be like him and am I supposed to take this as a compliment?!?  As I got older I knew that I was exactly like Pop.  That everyone was right.  How dare they?  I, on the other hand, have decided to take the things that I don't like about Pop and change them about me as much as I could. 
A better version of him; James Burns, 2.0 perhaps.  Isn't that what we're supposed to do after all?  Try to be the BEST VERSION of ourselves always.