Reflect and Be Thankful

It's Thanksgiving!!  All over the United States Americans are reflecting on the things that they are most thankful for.  It isn't a secret that 2013 has been a struggle for me and that I have absolutely had some up and down, but as I reflect this year I am thankful for so many things.

First of all I am thankful for my relationship with my son.  I am so blessed to have him in my life; being a young mom hasn't always been easy, but Bryan's existence has made me a better person.  It has weeded out people who shouldn't be in my life and he has brought people into my life who I can't imagine living without.  Bryan is teaching me all the time.  I hope that we never stop learning from each other and only become closer and he grows into and embraces his fabulousness even more (if that's possible!) and becomes the young man God created him to be.

Then, there is my Pop.  My darling father.  Jim Burns is my inspiration and an all around remarkable human being.  If you are ever blessed enough to meet him, then you are one lucky person.  My father is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 17 years. He has been battling cancer for close to 5 years; he is literally in pain everyday, but I never hear him complain.  He lost his wife, my mother, close to 2 years ago.  He is still fighting each and everyday and had such faith that everything is just as they were meant to be.  I am thankful for my conversations with him; he is so insightful.  We don't always agree, but always hear each other.  He loves sports, westerns and loves to make people laugh.  He is truly on of my best friends.


I am thankful for our 14 year old dog, Leo AKA Leonard DiCaprio (da Vinci if you ask Bryan) Puppychow Heek Boyer.  He has been through thick and thin with Bryan and I and still loves us.  Leo is sweet and annoying and as handsome as can be, recently he has been having some health issues, but it makes me appreciate him even more and what an important part of the family he has been.

I don't know how to put into words how thankful I am for ALL of my AMAZING friends.  I know that everyone thinks that they have the greatest friends and that is a blessing if you can express that, but I am here to say that I am blessed each and everyday with the privileged of knowing the kindest people ever.  The Lord has been so gracious to have placed these people in my life; some for decades, some more recently, their loyalty is unwavering.  I am forever grateful for them.

I am thankful for those men and woman who voluntarily join the Armed Forces; also for their families who also have to sacrifice so much for them to be the brave people they were destine to be.  Thank you.  There aren't enough thank yous for your decision to protect us.

As I sit here typing this blog I am thankful for my tiny apartment, "The Attic".  I am thankful for the heat that is pumping through the radiators.  I pray for those who are homeless and aren't able to find shelter.

Losing my job just a few weeks ago has opened my eyes to what could disappear SO easily and what many Americans have lost. Everything that I am looking at in my home right now is because I have been blessed, but when you are knocked down a few pegs these things are just things when you don't have the love, support and positivity of the people who you surround yourself with.

I hope everyone takes  the time to reflect on all of the things in their lives, everything that has lead up to this moment and has made you who you are. If you are blessed enough to spend time with your family on holidays and special occasions, pray for those who spend these same days alone.

Happy Holidays?!?

Holidays are supposed to be filled with joy, song & warmth of spirit; goodwill of men.  Youngsters have a pure soul, it is so easy for  the young to innately become the spirit of the holidays.

Thanksgiving has passed.  It is so easy for me to be thankful everyday.  In fact, I have written  throughout this year how thankful I am for friends and the things that I have been blessed with.  I work hard and have an undying loyalty to the people who love and respect me.  Yet, as the holidays grow closer, I have a knot of anxiety.

When people ask how my Thanksgiving was, it is getting harder and harder to hide that my holidays are not fun at all.  As soon as Thanksgiving was over, one of my first thoughts was, 'Ugh.  I have to see them again in 4 weeks".  Yes, I am speaking of my family.  Somewhere, somehow, we have fallen apart and I seem to be the only one who is willing to recognize and vocalize it.  I am as close to my Pop as I have always been.  He is  my heart.  We are the same person; just recently I told him how I felt, how they were making me feel, how they have made me felt for the last decade or so.  He says they love me; I say actions speak louder then words.

They don't abuse me, at least not physically, so I do know that many people have it a lot worse.  My family ignores me.  In fact, I saw one of them in the store a couple of weeks ago; as I stood there waving and saying "Hi", they continued to walk right by me in silence.  One foot away, looked at me directly and I received nothing but a blank look.  Now, I am supposed to forget that happened and dine with these people & make merry through the holidays.  I have a forgiving heart, but I don't forget.  I especially don't forget that because I expected a salutation in return to mine, I was reminded that "the world doesn't revolve around me".  Yes!  Somehow it got twisted into being my fault.

Christmas is less then 4 weeks away, I used to love Christmas.  I still do, because making others happy fills my heart, but it is quite different now that Bryan is older.  I am trying to look for the magic of the holiday, I don't want to lose it.  I have so many fabulous memories of Christmas, that I can't stand the thought of them bringing me down this year.

Life is a blessing and truthfully, I don't know how many Christmases my Pop will be here to hold my hand and tell me that he loves me and is proud of me.  Everyday that I have him here make things a little better.  He and Bryan are the reason that I will make nice this December 25th.  I will pray, as I do every year, that next year will be different. 

Until then, I will stay true to myself and know in my heart that I am not whatever it is they think of me.