Working Over-time.

Yesterday was my first day off in 9 days, it also just happened to be Labor Day; however there were no Bar-B-Q's to speak of for me, I would be visiting my father at the Hospital of The University of Pennsylvania. The last four months Pop has been receiving aggressive Chemotherapy at his home away from home.  I have to admit that on this visit I was a little bitter.  Bitter because in the hospital bed lie a man, who worked 50+ years for General Motors, many of those days were 12-14 hour days.  My dad NEVER said no to over-time or hard work; some way to spend a holiday built for people like just like him.
I called him the night before and asked when the best time to come visit would be, we planned for after lunch.  When I arrived the nurse came in and took his blood pressure, it was high, 150/some other big number.  The nurse was concerned, but she would be in multiple times because Pop was in the middle of getting a blood transfusion and they check vital signs every 15-30 minutes.  We chatted and laughed, he told stories that I have heard a million times and I listened enthralled as always, normal Pop & Sarah stuff. Finally, Pop had had enough of your truly and pretty much started kicked me out by throwing out hints of "Sarah, you don't want to miss the train", when the train wasn't coming for 45 minutes.  I waited until the nurse came one final time, when the first unit of blood was done.  His blood pressure was now 121/some other not so big number.  Now, I am no medical expert and some may say it was the blood transfusion that lowered his pressure, but Pop and I are sticking to the story that it was my visit that lowered those digits.
After seeing Pop's ruddy complexion and lifted spirits I wasn't so bitter, the man worked so hard all those years to make us happy, not himself.  He said yesterday, that sometimes when he thinks he's had it, he keeps fighting for the people who love him, the people who are praying for him.
He is still the hard working man I remember; just right now he is working hard, over-time, in his battle with Multiple Myeloma. 

Baby daddy

My son Bryan did not just get his awesomeness from me.  I know.  I know.  You all thought he did & really who could blame you?!?  There is this other person in his life that tends to lend a substantial hand in his upbringing, this person is his dad, my ex-husband, Dan.

Despite EVERYTHING that Dan & I have been through, he has always been a good father to our son.  They have a special relationship & always have.   Dan was Bryan's soccer coach for years and was loved by the whole team.  He is also the one who would go on the class trips with Bryan in elementary school.
Sometimes Bryan acts so much like his dad that I want to scream & am totally willing to disown him when he acts out of turn; calling his dad and saying, "Your son..."!  Dan is a superstar in his son's eyes which is all MY doing.  Trust me, Dan and I are civil, but I don't always sing his praises.  I don't EVER disrespect my son's father by speaking negatively in front of him.  That was a rule from the day we separated.  Anyone who is in Bryan's life knew how I felt about it and it wouldn't be tolerated.  Dan was his father for better or worse.  We were young and had no idea what the heck we were doing, but he stayed in his son's life because he wanted to.

Being a dad...I don't know how to do it and have never pretended to.  Dan always keeps his cool, so I never really knew or understood how hard it was for him to be a teenage dad.  He was always the one who knew that we would do OK raising Bryan.  I was always the one who thought that I don't know enough to teach another human being how to live life; raise someone to eventually be a grown-up.  What if we eff him up?  Dan trusted me.  He still trusts me and gives me credit for how great Bryan turned out. 
Today, I tip my hat to him.  This weekend is Father's Day and Bryan will be down the shore with his friends.  Dan is totally OK with this.  They have a great relationship/friendship that I will never even try to understand. (All the burping, farting and spitting grosses me out anyway...& the video games. ugh.)
He is the very best dad that he can be.  I don't always agree with his choices and at times I don't believe that he gives 100%, but I do believe that he gives everything that he can to give to Bryan.  He's pretty helpful to me too, I believe that the greatest gift a father can give his child is to respect their mother.

Happy Father's Day to all the great Dad's out there!!

Daddy's Little Girl

I was always daddy's little girl.  Everything that the man did interested me to the nth degree; whether he was giving the station wagon a tune up or was just changing the oil, I was right by his side.  He built our play house in our backyard, I was handing him a hammer.  I installed air conditioners with him, painted with him, landscaped with him, & fixed toilets, just wanting to suck in any time that I could with my dad; not even thinking that he was teaching me SO much.  Now, I have multiple tool boxes and many DIY skills.

Along with manual labor, my father is very spiritual.  He loves Jesus & would scream it from the roof tops.  I have also inherited this from him.  I am not as vocal about my Faith, but It is and has been instilled in me at a very young age.  My Faith has gotten me through my life.  I have a conscience and try to be the very best version of myself.  It isn't always easy, but I am learning that this process is not one that happens overnight.

My father is also, according to many, a pretty funny guy.  I always thought he was corny, well, because I've heard all his shenanigans over and over.  He makes people laugh on a daily basis and loves to see people happy.  He gets disappointed when people don't "get" him or his style of humor.  I also love to see people happy and my sense of humor is pretty similar to my dad's.  Yes, I am ridiculously corny, but I wouldn't be Sarah otherwise.

By now I think all of you know how incredible I think my dad is, I could go on & on.  His current illness has brought many feelings to the surface; good & bad.  Overall, my dad did a pretty good job with the whole Fatherhood thing...at least with me, daddy's little girl.

My So Called Life...

This morning I was watching a rerun of "My So Called Life".  Remember how great that show was?  I will never tire of seeing it and it immediately brings me back in time.  In today's episode, Angela had just gotten back from hanging out with her friends and her father was up when she came home.  Angela's dad offered to heat up some dinner for her; they show her at the dinner table with her dad and if you are familiar with the show, she narrates her thoughts to the viewers.  In this instance she says, "When my dad heats something up, it tastes better then when anyone else does."  My eyes filled.

My father has cancer.  He was diagnosed 2+ years ago with Multiple Myeloma (MM).  MM is a cancer of the blood plasma; while this type of cancer stems from the bones it is not a bone cancer.  When Pop was diagnosed, he was just about to retire from General Motors where he worked for 50 years.  He was a hard worker, 14-15 hours a day was nothing to him.  He worked hard for his family and couldn't wait to finally celebrate his golden years with his bride.  Pop was diagnosed as being in stage 3 of 3.  They started him on treatment immediately which didn't work.  Over 2 years of numerous treatments and a clinical trial they are still looking for a treatment that might work.
Today he was admitted to the hospital.  He is very ill.  His blood pressure is high, his blood counts are low, he is dry heaving and can't keep anything down.  They are running tests, so right now we know that it isn't pneumonia.  Thank goodness, but they don't know what it is. I am currently asking everyone for positive thoughts and prayers.

While I was watching Angela Chase speak with her father on "My So Called Life" this morning, I mentioned my eyes filled.  I had no idea my father was waiting in the ER.  My eyes filled with awesome memories of my pop.  Pop and I always had a special relationship.  I would be able to talk to Pop about everything.  We fight, man do we fight, but we get each other.  He doesn't have this same relationship with my brother or sister.  It is ours.  A father - daughter relationship all it's own.  
Cut from the same cloth some might say.  That used to make me SO mad.  He was such a jerk and so closed minded; why would anyone want to be like him and am I supposed to take this as a compliment?!?  As I got older I knew that I was exactly like Pop.  That everyone was right.  How dare they?  I, on the other hand, have decided to take the things that I don't like about Pop and change them about me as much as I could. 
A better version of him; James Burns, 2.0 perhaps.  Isn't that what we're supposed to do after all?  Try to be the BEST VERSION of ourselves always.