Seasonal Affective Disorder (or S.A.D.) is a type of depression that in most people who suffer from S.A.D. arrives in the Fall, and in most instances doesn't leave until the Spring. S.A.D hit me like a ton of bricks on Sunday. I have been feeling great lately. People ask me how I was doing and it is a wonderful feeling to say "Good!" & mean it. This year I didn't even see this wretched creature coming, but I know these feeling all to well to deny what they are.
I woke up on Sunday morning and immediately wanted to go back to sleep, but my neighbors are way too loud and were jamming out to some type of Grupera. I am almost thankful for this because I probably would've slept all day otherwise; however, I didn't actually get out of bed until 1 p.m. ( I am seriously mortified writing this tid-bit, btw). It was now time to join society and be amongst the living. So, I tried to be active, but I couldn't. I wanted to bring out my Christmas decorations, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't get myself to turn off Game of Thrones (which I have seen a few times...who wants to see that smoky demon thing coming out of the red chicks vag again anyway?). I couldn't get it together; that is until I heard Hoobastank's "The Reason" coming through the floorboards and then Adele. Are you kidding me? Why not just put a pillow over my face with that music selection?
I quickly got in my car and drove.
At this point I know exactly what I have to do to keep from slipping too far into a place that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, part of the reason I got my 2nd job is to keep my mind busy throughout these dreadful months. As an anxious person who suffers from depression, the mind is a terrible place to be stuck. Irrationality taking over can often ruin relationships, start fights with the most beloved people in ones life and add to existing anxiety. Keeping busy is key. PUSH YOURSELF!
Meditation is another way to try to get out of ones head. Of course, meditation (dhyana) in it's most organic meaning is fabulous for the mind, body & spirit if you can do that. Many can't. Meditation takes practice, don't give up. I like to run and consider it a form of meditation. Running connects me with my breath and takes me out of my head. For some it may be a group exercise class, yoga or even free weights, but whatever it is find it and PUSH YOURSELF!
Surround yourself with people, not just any people, but people who make you feel good. People who you know will cheer you up. Socializing is so important, although very hard to do when you're feeling your most wretched & vulnerable, but so key. If your honest with the people closest to you about what's going on they tend to understand and are much more patient when you have those little episodes of irrationality, mood swings, or woe-is-me moments. I've learned that if these people who claim to care about you are anything other than supportive then they weren't a good friends anyway. Judgement is not something you need when you are feeling the lowest of the low.
Four months out of every year is a struggle, but every year I battle and survive. I SURVIVE!
