Nights & weekends

Now that I have a second job in retail, it reminds me of how people are so very different from each other.  I worked in retail for close to 10 years before I put in my resume for the office job that I have now.  Believe me, it was the best move that I have ever made, but at the time the flexible hours of retail suited my single-mother lifestyle.  I have always dealt with customer service in one way, shape or form; the position that I have at my full-time job now is customer service, my customers are now mortgage companies & borrowers instead of retail shoppers, but in the title business it is all about the best service (after all, title premiums are set by law).  The retail world is back in my life and cracks me up (& not always in a good way) a little everyday.

I love people, they make my laugh.  The way we go about things as humans is very interesting to me.  The way we approach situations and deal with others attracts me.  Maybe this is why I choose Psychology as my major in college.  People love to be told how awesome they are and I am just the girl to tell you.

I often call myself a professional flirt; because I work with the public in both jobs and I go by the theory that you attract more flies with honey then vinegar.  It is easy to get what you want with a bat-of-the-eye-lashes or a sincere (or close enough to sincere as possible) compliment.  I will flirt with men, women, children, sales people (if it means I will save a couple of dollars) & most recently my new auto insurance agent who saved me hundreds-of-dollars a month when I added Bryan to my policy, not including the customers that I help on a daily basis.  (This makes me a Psych case all of my own, I'm sure.)

This weekend I noticed that some people get so pissed-off at the stupidest things.  I thought to myself while experiencing a couple of irate customers that if this is the stuff that get under these people's skins then they are lucky.  One customer, was so angry that the girls couldn't get her change of $100 dollars fast enough (she was only buying socks).  She was blessed enough to be buying socks with a hundred dollar bill.  May be she had more going on in her life.  May be she needed those socks for a sick father or mother, may be the cashiers was the icing-on-the-cake for an already very bad day.  Another customer called a one of the young men who works on our team "gay", with a negative connotation, without knowing him at all.  I almost fell over.  Really?  Could you be anymore more ignorant in this day and age?

These instances are just the couple of examples of this weekend & happens to be the minority of our customers, thank goodness, but putting myself back into population in the role of the retail sales associate is going to be more interesting then I can ever remember.  I can tell I will have to bite my tongue and just hope that all these people have bigger things going on at home  and that they are really not that mean; and may be I will be able to brighten someone's day by telling them how awesome they are.

I know my co-workers appreciate that I am their cheerleaders, just like I appreciate when they are mine; we all cheer each other on and encourage a good day.   Sometimes retail isn't SO terrible.

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path. ~Paulo Coelho

Voilà, lemonade is served.

There are so many reason's why I write this blog; the biggest reason would probably be my sanity.  Getting all the thoughts and feeling in my head out in a public forum?  Yea, it is totally not something that I am always comfortable with.  One might say it is a little outside my box.  I do it because it keeps me honest with myself and brings me back to my basic beliefs and values which I think most people struggle with on a daily basis.  I am here to admit that I struggle and I am on a journey to be the person that I want to be.


Lately, a friendship was ended because this person claimed that they needed more positivity in their life.  More positivity?  Well, good luck with that because my cup is 99.9% full. (Yes, I have my days, but seriously I am a ray of sunshine!)  Life has given me lemons-a-plenty, and voilà, lemonade is served.

I get stressed.  Who doesn't?  Recently, I have been super-stressed and told the world.  Did me voicing my craziness to the world help me?  Maybe, maybe not, but hopefully it made someone feel like they're not alone in feeling like a hot mess on what seems to be any given day.

I am learning that life doesn't get ANY easier when kids grow up.  I have spent many hours waiting for the next step.  The easier days, the days when I wouldn't have to pay for daycare anymore because he was old enough for before-and-after school care (& it was so much cheaper - I couldn't wait to hand over that last check to day care.)  Then, I was counting the days until Bryan could come home on his own. (He was a latch-key kid; terrible mommy, I know.) I was nervous when he reached that age, but he was always so responsible.  He got his first cell phone and since then he has 'checked in' with me everyday.  He used to call the office, tell me about his day & let me know what homework he had, now I get a text message that merely says "checking in".  I guess it is being human to want the next thing, but the next thing is starting to freak me out!!!  
Bryan is looking for a car and applying to colleges.  My child will soon be taking the next step.  STRESS; where there is stress there are short fuses and bickering; leading to more stress.  There is no easy days when you're a parent, but I can sit in the recliner and look at my son and say, "Wow, I did that."  SURREAL & SCARY!!  Until someone comes up to you and says what a good kid he is, then scary turns into PRIDE.

My whole life I have been playing dodge ball with lemons, I have learned to juggle and squeeze these bitter little bastards, and I know that I am no where near done.  I do know for sure that the people that I have surrounded myself with and the love and support of my friends, Bryan & I can do anything.  We are one tribe and we carry each other to and through the next steps, good or bad.

Hello wall...how you doin'?

This is going to be a much harder year then I thought.  Right now my head is spinning.

Today, I had an appointment with my son's school guidance counselor.  It was a good meeting, putting a lot of my anxiety to rest; that is until I just just got done speaking to...er, I mean arguing with, Bryan.  An argument which at the end had me in tears.  Parents, as awesome as your kids turn out, they will ALL still be teenagers at some point and well, as prepared as you think you are, nothing can prepare you for how mean they can be.

We are only in the 5th week of school, what could possibly be the issue?  College.  I feel like I am talking to a wall, kicking a dead horse perhaps.  Anyway you look at it, I am getting no where fast.  You would think that he'd be amped to get out and on his own.  I am willing to help him do whatever it takes for him to get into the schools he wants to apply to.  He is dragging his feet.  The fights are wearing me down.

Tonight, I broke.  I called my ex-husband in tears, woke him up, got him worried.  I had to let him know where I was in a matter of speaking.  I had to tell him so we didn't get played against each other; he is my partner in raising this person who insists on being my nemesis this week.  I CANNOT do this by myself, I never pretended any differently.  My sanity is on the brink of doom; it's time to bring in the big dog...his father.

Dan has a completely different relationship with Bryan then I do; he's a father and a pal.  They play video games, wrestle are complete @sses to each other, but there is respect.  There has always been respect.  I never wanted it any other way.  Bryan respects me as well, just in a different way which is fine in most circumstances, but when I have to pull out the dad card, believe me I do.

Dan and I are almost always on the same page when it comes to our son; if we aren't at first we discuss until we get there.  There is none of this "well, Dad said..." business; we have agreed to always be or at least try our best to be a united front.  Yes, we are divorced, but have the same goal in raising our son to be a successful young man, who can go into the world and make something of himself.  We want him to have better then we had (& be the least effed up as possible).

Right now, I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know it is there, but it is only October.  My heart breaks at the thought of him leaving me to venture off to college in August, but right now I don't even want to see his precious face.  URGH!!