I Lost Her a Long Time Ago.

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” - Norman Cousins

I am little anxious tonight.

This past week my aunt passed.  She was 61.

My aunt was 15 years younger then my uncle (my mom's brother). I remember being in their wedding when I was 4 years; they got married in Illinois and I was their flower girl. I thought she was super awesome, after all she had an original Led Zeppelin II album (still my favorite album EVER!). When we visited, I loved talking to her. I'd ask her a million questions and wouldn't leave her side, she was easy going and obviously one of my favorite relatives (not that I ever had that many to choose from).

She wasn't able to have children, so she and my uncle adopted my cousin when she was about 6 years old. My cousin completed their family, they/we were so happy to have her in their lives.

It all changed the day that we shared the news with them that I was pregnant with Bryan.  Her reaction was selfish; that quickly I was not someone they wanted to have in their lives anymore.  She said I was a bad influence on their now teenage daughter, but what it boiled down to was jealousy.  I had no control over the situation; I have forgiven her a long time ago.  She continued to choose to no long be a part of my life. My family, of course, stood right beside me, but my mom lost her brother that day.  No one has had much contact except for when my grandmother passed for a split second, then things went back to silence.

"Forgiveness is the final form of love." ~Reinhold Niebuhr

Tomorrow we are burying my aunt. I will make the trip to bid my farewell. I will do this out of respect for my cousin who has to say goodbye to her mother, which I know is one of the hardest things anyone has to go through.  I will be there for her just as she was  for me.

I was blessed to have had the times I did when I was younger with my aunt, but I am MORE blessed that I now have a relationship with my cousin that I missed out on for so many years.

The Uninvited Stranger

A few weeks ago an uninvited stranger moved into my home.  Leo, my dog, & I saw him at the same time.  It caught us both off-guard.

This stranger that I speak of is of the furry variety, a field mouse has takes residence in "the attic" (that's what I call my home),  as I said this mouse is of course, unwanted, at least by me. Leo, however, has made friends with the vermin.  At first I went out and bought a trap that gets loaded with bait and it is supposed to trap the critter; seemed perfect.  I set it that night, the trap was empty in the morning, when I returned from work the trap was gone.  What the heck happened?  I searched all over only to find it in our bathroom?!?  The dog moved the trap; that's right, the dog moved the trap in hopes to save his new furry best friend.

It is now two against one & totally unfair, so I bought more traps.  The last thing that I want to do is see a gross mouse smushed to it death, but I can't handle a live mouth on a glue trap either.  Crap!! 

Why is this happening to me??  I picked up a fancy glue trap devise that said it traps the mouse on the glue and I wouldn't be able to see it once trapped.  This was just up my ally.  Only, the mouse ignored the traps.

I have finally moved on to the good ol' fashioned "snap" mouse trap.  I set it up with peanut butter, careful to keep it out of the way from Leo (if he tried moving these traps it would certainly be bad, painful business for him).  Again...FAIL.  What does a girl have to do to evict a rodent?  NUTELLA.

How could I have forgotten that along with everyone one who lives in this house, he must think he is fancy?  I switched up the peanut butter with Nutella and went to bed.  It was as I was reading when I heard the snap.  This is the moment that I had been waiting for & dreaded at the same time.  I stalled getting out of bed to see what exactly had happened.  I got a broom and bravely went to the trap, flipped it over and NOTHING!  NOTHING.  That little bastard had escaped my efforts once again.

I am not a murderer but I do want this rodent dead.  I won't get a cat, trust me everyone has suggested it. (I am terribly allergic!)  This mouse has worn out his welcome.

So the saga continues...One thing I do know is that unwanted visitors seem to love it at The Attic.